I'm JOHN TEH

HIV / AIDS Series #7

2011-10-01T21:21:00.001+08:00

Can you hit jackpot in HIV the very first time? Apparently, you can. What is more important is how you rise to the occasion when life needs you to suck it up and be a man (or woman) in order to live a full life... This is the story of Lucia. Read her interview:

This Positive Life: An Interview With Lucia

By Bonnie Goldman

September 15, 2011

"Don't give up. Educate yourself and find something that appeals to your psyche and to your inner peace to help you deal with the information you will be getting, because some of it is scary," says HIV advocate and long-term HIV survivor Lucia. In 1989, this Cuba native received a mandatory blood test in the hope of gaining her U.S. citizenship, but was utterly shocked when she was told her test results came back positive for HIV. Lucia, who was also pregnant at the time of her diagnosis, opens up about being pressured to have an abortion, the long journey it took for her to feel at peace again and why speaking publicly breaks down the walls of stigma in her community.

Lucia

This is Bonnie Goldman reporting for TheBody.com. Welcome Lucia to This Positive Life.

Thank you for having me.

Tell me, how did you first find out that you are HIV positive?

It was 1989 and I went to the immigration office in hopes of beginning the process of becoming a U.S. citizen. The first step is to become a resident of the United States, and at that time, I was given a blood test for all STDs [sexually transmitted diseases], including HIV and that came back positive.

So what happened?

I was given a year to get my affairs in order. I definitely had no interest in pursuing my citizenship at this point; I needed to have so many other things in place. I was also pregnant, and at the time I was advised heavily to have an abortion.

So the journey began as far as finding out how the heck I had possibly become infected since my spouse of, at that time, 13 years was negative. I didn't have any more of an answer than they did. I had never been hospitalized or been a drug user or displayed any risky behaviors. Had only been in two serious relationships in my life. The only thing I did contribute at the time was that I had been sexually active one time with my previous boyfriend. That was dismissed, because that was over 10 years ago and there was no way I could be alive given how short of a lifespan people with the virus were living at that time.

The doctors believed that I had been recently infected. My blood, after many, many, many tests, ended up at the CDC [U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention], which was the final confirmation that I was in fact positive, because it was just not being accepted too easily. I can't even tell you how many labs -- how much blood work -- I had to undergo just because they were in total denial.

But after awhile, I realized that I was infected at the age of 16 by a hemophiliac boy I was with in high school. He passed away a couple of years ago. Neither one of us knew he was positive, and we were having unprotected sex. I was a virgin and didn't know much about sex. It was a one-time thing, because I wasn't thrilled about it, just the first time.

Why did they not think you were positive?

Because I didn't fit "the category." I was not promiscuous and had been in serious monogamous relationships in the past. I was 27, 29 at the time when I was diagnosed. Without a hospitalization, blood transfusion or any drug use, they just didn't know how the heck I could have possibly contracted HIV. But they told me to abort the child and that was that.

What did you do with the recommendation about abortion?

That was the hardest choice I ever made in my life, to give up something I desperately wanted, but that was what I had to do. I was put through a lot of guilt -- mainly by my spouse and the medical community as well. The chances of the child being born positive were high from what they were telling me.

My ex-husband was an accountant and he took the chances as being stronger than the facts and he would ask how could I be so selfish to want to bring a child into the world with this.

How many months pregnant were you?

Maybe a month.

You had a lot to deal with in a month! That just seems like so much.

Yes it was. But I was fortunate. I don't know if I'd have called it fortunate at the time. I'd call it fortunate now, because the stress I was under was going to kill me faster than the actual virus that had managed to live within me for who knows how long.

I had to get a grip and I did: I had enough people, good people, my so-called angels that came into my life. Religion was the first journey, eventually leading to psychology. I found some wonderful psychologists that worked with me. We didn't really talk about HIV -- this therapy was more about saving my marriage. It was what I needed at the time to get strong and the journey turned out to be more about self-love and learning to just count each day as a blessing. Consider it a gift to be alive and breathing.

When you were first diagnosed, did you tell your parents at all?

I told my spouse immediately and then I told my mom and she was just the most supportive and just an incredible person -- still is my best friend. I couldn't tell my father, because he had passed away.

During this time, HIV was really stigmatized. Did you tell any of your friends?

You're right, HIV was very stigmatized and the information out there wasn't the best. Home computers were not something everyone had at the time. The information that was available catered mainly to the medical profession and not the everyday person. Given that, I fully began to do public speaking behind my husband's back, which he was not happy about. I would speak when I was off from work.

What were you doing at the time?

I worked for an air-conditioning company as an accountant.

Why didn't your husband want you to speak publicly about HIV?

He was a sole practitioner and was afraid that people were going to find out and destroy his reputation and his business. I think he still is worried about it to this day. [Laughs.] We remain friends, but I believe he's had a long journey with this.

Speaking of jobs: Have you disclosed at any of the jobs that you have had over the years? And if so, did any co-workers bother you or anything?

No, as a matter of fact, if anything, I've been in their lives. I had one girl that was undergoing MS [multiple sclerosis] treatment. She felt that I was the one person that she could come talk to about what was happening to her. Another had hepatitis C for example. Cancer, whatever disease, you name it, I was the person to go to for strength.

So what has given you the strength to come out about your status?

Although I'm Hispanic, I don't come across as Hispanic. When I moved out here, I had no clue what was happening within my community. It prompted me to take action and do something. The next thing you know, somebody's offering me a job in this business and one thing is leading to another. I did not speak very fluent Spanish and the next thing you know, I'm brushing up on my Spanish.

Earlier you mentioned that you were trying to gain your citizenship. Where are you from originally?

Cuba.

What information should every HIV-positive person know?

First, that you have to take care of yourself. Your mind is the first thing that needs to be intact. I know we talk about diets, but in my opinion, your mind is the most important. You have got to grab a hold of yourself and come to a place where you are happy with who you are.

From that point forward, you start doing all the right things for yourself. Reduce stress as much as possible. Most importantly, don't lean on drugs and alcohol to help -- I can't see how they could possibly help you. But to be clear, I'm not including marijuana in that. I'm leaving that alone, because I think there are more benefits than negatives.

What has HIV taught you about life?

It's taught me how precious life is. It's taught me how important family is. How important your friends are.

Over the years, have you mostly kept the same friends?

Yes, I have lifelong friends from way back when I was married. But I have to admit, nowadays, I don't have enough time for friends unfortunately. [Laughs.] My commitment to doing what I'm doing really limits my free time.

Are most of these friends in Florida or California?

Most of them are in Florida. Most of them are attorneys [laughs] from my office where I worked or previous family members from when I was married.

How long were you married before you got divorced?

All together, we were together 20 years.

Wow. So were you recently divorced?

God, it feels like a lifetime, but I think it's been 10 years.

He lives in Florida?

He does.

Have you found love since?

Oh, yes. Yes.

Is it easy to find love when you're HIV positive?

No. No, it is not.

What do you think are some successful ways in which to find love?

I think when you're not looking for it to come. I'm sure you've heard that a million times. When you're not looking for it, and you are more focused on your passions, it seems to open you up to all of these possibilities -- and even a lot of people.

But I did find a really wonderful man and he's just an incredible human. He is on my side, incredibly encouraging and supportive of the work I do and who I am.

Do you think it's easier for positive people to meet or have successful relationships with other positive people?

I think it is. I think the Internet, even though that's how I met him, is probably not the best way to meet someone. I think there is something that's missing from that -- you know, that attraction that you get with a person from the get-go in a normal encounter. But I do believe that, when two positives meet, it sort of makes everything normal again.

I'm not your typical dater. Let's put it that way. I'm very conservative in whom I date. In terms of disclosure, I knew that I had to disclose before it got any further than a kiss. That was always a heavy trip to have to undergo. You know, having to tell someone, because it was his life in my hands and I was not about to destroy anyone's life. You just need to let that person make a decision. It's the right thing to do.

Looking at your own personal experiences, is disclosure the hardest part about being HIV positive?

Yes.

The other thing that's difficult is not having a role model or mentor. It's quite frightening when you test positive and there is so much you don't know. You're learning all these medical terms and you're just not sure what's going on. Your labs can be up and down, and it does take an emotional and physical toll on you if your labs are not encouraging over time. I've been very fortunate to have gotten, and still get, good ones. Very fortunate, but I can also tell you, just from observing a lot of people, how much a negative result can bring them down terribly.

Are you on treatment now?

Yes, I am.

Could you tell us what your treatment is?

Atripla [efavirenz/tenofovir/FTC].

Have you had side effects?

Nope.

When did you start?

I started almost five years ago.

That was the first time you started?

Yes.

Wow. It hasn't interrupted your life very much?

Not really. If anything, I'm obsessed with what I'm doing as a living; I need to take a vacation from it. It's been a while since I've been on vacation. But it's hard for me. I know that I'm just one person, but when I get the call to speak, I do it, because there are a lot of women who just don't want to speak out publicly.

It takes a lot of bravery.

I don't think it's bravery. You have to look at the bigger picture. I understand the fear that takes place, that overrides the beauty that all these Latin cultures have, because they don't understand. My community to many times allows myths to shape its understanding of this epidemic. And it's really sad, because when a person is first diagnosed, what they need the most is their family. If they have the main thing there, anything is possible for a long healthy life.

You think too many people are isolated?

Yes.

What advice do you have for someone who is recently diagnosed with HIV?

Don't give up. [Laughs.] Educate yourself. It is extremely important. Find something that appeals to your psyche and to your inner peace to help you deal with the information you will be getting, because some of it is scary. It's scary as hell. If you have something inside you that keeps you calm, you will navigate through it beautifully.

What do you have inside of you that keeps you calm?

God. I guess that's it. I'm not religious though, but I have an incredible belief in something greater than myself.

That keeps you steady and balanced and ...

Yes. I also adore animals, so that's another thing. [Laughs.]

What kind of animals do you have?

I have a cat right now.

Have you always had animals?

Yes. For as long as I can remember.

How do they help you?

They help you find that peace. There is something so remarkably beautiful about their innocence. If you're having a bad day, all you have to do is look at their little faces and it all makes sense.

How did you educate yourself about HIV -- or how do you on a regular basis?

Mainly reading, just information on the Internet, but the majority of my knowledge on the disease came from books. My partner studies medicine. He's very up to date on just about everything that's going on. He's a great person to turn to.

Were you always knowledgeable about HIV?

No. No, I've had to learn a lot more things than I ever thought possible.

Where are you working now?

I work for an agency called AIDS Community Research Consortium; better known as ACRC. I'm actually here teaching a class, because a lot of the clientele here have issues as far as getting on a train and coming down to Redwood City, which is in San Mateo County. I'm finding out that it' s not so much that they are afraid to get on the train; it's the time of day. We usually do it in the evenings, because most of my clients work. It seems to be different in the city. Most of the people do not necessarily work. Different health care plans.

I see, so this is just kind of your satellite location.

Correct.

What do you think is the most important thing that someone with HIV should know?

That they should not give up -- that's a hard one. I would say they're not alone. There is help. All they have to do is just look for it. But there is plenty of help and assistance in every possible area. Not to give up.

And with that, this interview will come to an end. Thank you so much for sharing.

This transcript has been edited for clarity

Source: http://www.thebody.com/content/63806/this-positive-life-an-interview-with-lucia.html?ic=700100

順子 - 回家

2011-09-20T21:42:00.002+08:00

Tonight, I am feeling a lot of love... Jiwang! Suddenly, I recalled one song that I like from Shunza and started searching for it on YouTube. My God, she's a talented woman.

From Beijing, she migrated to San Francisco and studied in Switzerland. Speaks several languages. Nice "Velvety" voice. Very European and very Cocktail... VERY HOT!!

I can't shake the song out of my head:-

RM70/=

2011-09-19T23:02:00.000+08:00

Tonight was great. Unbelievably great! Why? My petrol cost me only RM70/= for a full tank.

When I pulled over at Shell in Petaling Jaya to pump petrol, the RON97 pump was down. So I had no choice but to pump RON95 into my car. When my car was apparently filled up to full tank, I turned to look at the total cost and I was shocked. RM70.

I had to start my engine to look at the petrol needle to believe that it was indeed a full tank.

My usual RON97 would have cost me around RM100 to RM110. We are talking about RM30 savings here! That's a lot of money...

I go to Shell 4 times a week and at times 5. So we're talking about at least RM120 savings a month and RM1,440 a year in petrol consumption. Ahahahaha.

This is what I call IMPACT! (or maybe I was just slow in realising it).

I must start looking at my other expenses and start trimming the "fat"!!!

HIV/AIDS Education Series #3

2011-09-18T12:57:00.000+08:00

Living Longer by Living With Purpose

By David Fawcett, Ph.D., L.C.S.W.

July 6, 2011

Some years ago a friend of mine sold his successful veterinary practice in the Midwest, bought a van, and headed to California to pursue his lifelong dream of writing music. People no doubt thought he had lost his mind, or at least regressed from being a responsible adult to a frivolous adolescent searching for himself. Years later, he has had some success with his music, but most of all, he has experienced the thrilling notion that he followed his heart.

Not all of us, of course, have the opportunity to drop out of our lives and begin anew, but we all certainly have the chance to discover what gives our life meaning and follow it to our best ability. The daily satisfaction is enormous, and so are the health benefits. A study at Rush University Medical Center in Chicago found that people who followed their life's purpose were only about half as likely to die over the follow-up period as compared to people who expressed less sense of purpose. These findings have been replicated in other studies: following your dreams is a protective factor for your health.

For many of us, identifying our personal mission, goals, and objectives is not an easy task. There are many helpful resources, one of which is Martha Beck's Finding Your Own North Star. She outlines several steps that are useful in identifying and following through on living your dreams.

The first step is articulating what is important to you. Many experts recommend sitting down without distraction and writing freely about questions such as what makes you smile; what activities cause you to lose track of time; what do people ask you for help with; or what would you regret not fully doing, being, or having in your life. It will take time and numerous lists before a convergence of themes appears, but it will. These are your core desires.

Once you have a notion of your own purpose, it's important to compare it to how you live your life. Many of us have unconscious beliefs about ourselves that hold us back -- these need to be identified and repaired. For example, a client of mine had a childhood learning disability that affected his performance in school. He not only had trouble studying, he also believed (and was told) that he wasn't as smart as others and would never be able to succeed in school. As an adult he wanted to become a nurse, which required college courses in biology and chemistry. He took a chance and enrolled, asked for help where he needed it to overcome his learning problems and develop good study habits, and became an "A" student. He realized his core belief about his intelligence and learning was wrong.

A second critical step is to compare what life offers you with your own mission and objectives. The opportunities we accept must align with our goals. Without the guidance of our life's purpose in making choices about which to pursue and which to let go, we can become frustrated, disillusioned, or simply burn out.

With practice it becomes increasingly easy to know when our activities resonate with our life's purpose. Nurturing our intuition can be a corrective force when we temporarily get off track from the real source of satisfaction and health: cultivating and living our dreams.

Send David an e-mail.

Get e-mail notifications every time David's blog is updated.

_________________________

Is Lack of Sleep an Obstacle to HIV Treatment Adherence?

By Kellee Terrell

September 12, 2011

Past studies have shown that over 70 percent of people living with HIV-positive have had issues sleeping, compared to 10 percent to 35 percent of the general population.

Lack of sleep can make one more susceptible to developing colds; it can impair your memory and can lead to serious health issues such as heart disease, stroke and diabetes. Most importantly, according to new data out of the University of California, San Francisco, not getting enough Zzz's can also negatively impact the likelihood of someone adhering to their HIV medications.

AIDS Beacon reported:

Results showed that 68 percent of study participants reported sleep pattern changes, 50 percent reported difficulty falling or staying asleep, and 21 percent reported problems with vivid dreams.

In addition, depression, suicidal thoughts, unemployment, drug abuse, history of incarceration, and high HIV viral loads (amount of HIV in the blood) were associated with poor quality of sleep.

Participants taking Sustiva (efavirenz) were more than two times more likely to report problems with vivid dreams, which are a known side effect of the drug; however, this was not associated with overall poorer quality of sleep …

Individuals who woke up several hours earlier than they used to and could not go back to sleep had a 66 percent higher chance of non-adherence compared to study participants who slept normally. Individuals who had experienced problems falling or staying asleep or problems with vivid dreams in the past three months had a 42 percent and 31 percent higher chance of non-adherence, respectively.

Researchers suggest that health care providers need to screen for sleep issues and treat them in order to improve adherence.

The study also found other factors that created obstacles to adherence: Depression and suicidal thoughts, bouts with homelessness, drug abuse and race (African-Americans were 35 percent more likely to not adhere to therapy compared to their white counterparts).

Kellee Terrell is the news editor for TheBody.com and TheBodyPRO.com.

Come Back!

2011-09-18T12:44:00.001+08:00

My goodness!! The last time I posted something here was way back in March 2011. How time flies. Very happy but at the same time, equally worried! I am growing old and I am sure that is not the only thing that is growing... So what's on my mind lately?

- Weight (!)

- Money (want more of it)

- Health (tie this to weight!)

- Future (typical yuppie)

(btw, they are not in any particular order because at this point in time, all the above are equally important!)

Over the past 5 months, I've seen and experienced so many things, they are quite difficult to explain in a paragraph (or two). However, very simply put, whatever that I've seen and experienced can be condensed into two simple words: Live life! (VIVA Me)

Therefore, moving forward, what you see and read in "I'm JOHN TEH" will be things that have impacted my life in one way or another. This includes articles and / or videos. There'll be less ramblings (i.e. less crap). Keyword: LESS.

I will also continue to post issues relating to HIV / AIDS because I believe that this group of minority is gravely misunderstood by the public.

HIV/AIDS Education Series #2

2011-03-20T13:46:00.005+08:00

Recently, I learnt that our local hospitals (at least the public ones) do not do viral load lab test on positively charged individuals until their T-cells count fall below dangerous level??

I feel that it is not right for not doing so. It is a measurement for one to gauge the rate of reproduction of the virus. It puts a person's mind at ease knowing that his/her viral load is either low or undetectable. This would also mean that the risk of transmission through whatever medium is low! Hospitals should look at their policies once again. Take the above test as part of HIV/AIDS prevention. I believe it is prudent to perform the test to know one's viral load versus the T-cells count. One would then know the number of soldiers available to battle the number of enemies. Otherwise, how to do risk management?

Read below:-

Source: http://www.thebody.com/content/art60777.html?ic=700100

Community Viral Load: A New Way to Measure Our Progress

By Ronald Valdiserri, M.D., M.P.H.

March 2, 201

We know that when persons are infected with HIV and have not been diagnosed, the virus replicates silently in their bodies for several years. During this time, their immune systems are being damaged and they are very likely to spread the virus to others since they are unaware of their infection. That is why the National HIV AIDS Strategy has identified a specific target for increasing the number of persons who have their HIV infection diagnosed in a timely manner: "By 2015, increase from 79% to 90% the percentage of people living with HIV who know their serostatus (from 948,000 to 1,080,000)."

If you are diagnosed with HIV, your health care provider will evaluate the state of your infection by ordering a number of laboratory tests, including a viral load (VL) test. Viral load is the clinical laboratory test that gauges the level of viral replication by measuring the actual amount of viral genetic material present in a person's bloodstream. When the viral load is high, it indicates that the virus is actively reproducing -- not a good thing. Generally speaking, the higher the viral load, the greater the potential damage to the immune system -- and the greater the likelihood of transmitting the virus through unsafe sex or needle-sharing activities. But persons who are on effective antiretroviral (ARV) treatment will have very low viral loads -- often so low that they are "undetectable" at the current level of testing sensitivity. Because having an undetectable viral load is one important measure of quality HIV care, it, too, has been identified in the NHAS as a target. Under the goal of "Reducing HIV-Related Disparities," we are asked to increase, by 20%, the proportion of HIV-diagnosed gay and bisexual men, Blacks, and Latinos who have undetectable viral loads.

Without a doubt, viral load is a very important tool in the clinical management of HIV disease. But now, there is a newly emerging way to use viral load as a population measure: community viral load (CVL). Here's how it works. We can group individual viral load measurements from various groups who have been diagnosed and are receiving HIV care, for example, African American women, Latino men who have sex with men, transgender women, or White injection drug users. Then we can compare the average viral load for each of these groups to identify disparities across the groups. Since the goal is for all persons who are under HIV care to have an undetectable viral load, if a neighborhood or a community or a particular group has a higher CVL, it indicates a need to intervene. An elevated CVL can mean that persons are being diagnosed very late in the course of their infection, or that they are not receiving timely referral into medical care or even that they might require additional adherence counseling in order to maintain consistent ARV use.

Given its emerging importance as an aggregate measure of HIV programmatic efforts, we are seeing more and more references to CVL. At this week's CROI meeting in Boston, researchers from New York, San Francisco, Baltimore, and Washington, DC all shared information about how they are using CVL to monitor access to diagnosis, care and treatment for HIV infection. In San Francisco, reductions in community viral load have even been associated with decreases in newly diagnosed and reported HIV infections. Public health leaders at the CDC and elsewhere are working to improve the capacity of state and local health departments to be able to monitor this increasingly useful population measure.

Ronald Valdiserri, M.D., M.P.H., is the Deputy Assistant Secretary for Health, Infectious Diseases, U.S. Department of Health and Human Services.

Great Day

2011-02-22T22:15:00.002+08:00

Ooh la la... Today was quite a day!

I went to work. Felt so energised until the extent that I actually put "Progress 3x" into my FB status. The status doesn't say much really, but the energy that went into thinking about it and typing it... Awesome!

After a good 'ol day of work, I went to the gym to have a good run. Yeah! Sweat like a pig! Felt so good after that. Cooled down at the lounge but still dripping with sweat (in a nice way, not the drenched way). Then showered, got dressed. Drove home. That's when the problem came staring at me: my mom's nasi lemak. A good problem. :-)

To eat or not to eat - that was the question. Of course I ate. I'd be a fool not to eat. I love my mom's nasi lemak. Guilty! Didn't finish the whole plate though. I took less than 2/3 of the rice. Potentially, whatever that I've "let go" at the gym, I had piled it back after my dinner. (Alamak!). But at least I felt that the "damage" was somewhat "controlled".

Anyway, it was good. Great day. Great run. Great dinner (albeit sinful). Now I just have to wait until 12am before I can sleep. Sigh...

My Saturday Night Ramblings

2011-02-19T22:17:00.004+08:00

Saturday evening. Everyone is out either partying or hanging out with friends. I am stuck at home, by choice. Feeling lazy. Rather spend my time at home, doing nothing than going out and spend a fortune unnecessarily. LOL. How things have changed for me!

Also not helping - I have sore throat again and I am also coughing, again! I was down with these two problems for a month just less than 2 weeks ago. Now they are back. What the hell! I hope it will not be a monthly recurrence. Haha.

Anyway, ramblings done. Happy weekends to all. :-)

Did You Know?

2011-02-15T19:33:00.002+08:00

My friend sent me this link to a YouTube video about how we have progressed through time and some nifty facts about the world we live in... :). Quite a revelation (to me). Have a go at it and tell me what you think!

Petronas' 2011 CNY Advertisement

2011-02-06T21:25:00.007+08:00

I just have to post this up there. This is the Petronas' 2011 CNY advertisement. I have this feeling that I can't explain inside of me after watching this ad. Perhaps this feeling is a sign that is trying to tell me that I am also guilty of committing this act of negligence... For all of you (us) out there, cherish your folks. Attention & Love. They don't earn it... They deserve it.

John Teh Rummaged The Bin...

2011-02-06T21:02:00.004+08:00

You wouldn't believe what happened to me last Saturday (i.e. yesterday), after I came back from the office. (Yes, I was in the office during CNY).

I had a lot of rubbish in my car! So I decided to throw them once and for all. But if you know me well, it will come back within a few days. So I was gathering the rubbish from the front of my car all the way to the back. Was only a handful. I was surprised.

Anyway, I grabbed the rubbish in my palm. One fist. Then on the same hand, I had my phone with me. I wedged it in between two fingers. Even my hand/palm can multi-task. I went to the rubbish bin and as I released my grasp on the rubbish, I forgotten that I had my phone with me on the same hand. Guess what? The whole phone went into the bin along with the rubbish. My phone has a black leather case. The bin was super dark inside.

I opened the lid of the bin and yours truly rummaged through the rubbish, in search of the phone. God was kind that day. Only dry rubbish in the bin. I laid the bin horizontal and went through it like a rabid dog. Thank goodness no one was there. When I found my phone, I can hear the angels sing! I was that desperate. Imagine if it fell into a cup of soda in the bin... I would die... (drama king). Nobody should live without their phones...

TCF went through rubbish!! (HEADLINE). But actually, I do that quite often in the office, in search of the "document"... Ahahahahaha!

The Start of a New Year

2011-02-05T20:26:00.003+08:00

Wow, my last post was two months ago. I have been "dormant" for quite a while now. :)

The year 2011 didn't start off on the right footing. For several weeks (or should I say months) I have been feeling rather "down" with regard to several issues. One of them had resulted in me writing a "letter". It is still a draft. It was written about a little over a month ago. Whether this letter will see the light of day is a separate issue. I am hoping that when it eventually does, it will be the right decision, as my passion toward this subject matter is hitting the base. When such things happen, it is best to consult friends. That was what I did. I've formed my view and now I will adopt a "wait and see" MO.

Now, let's talk about something more positive. :). Let's talk about Chinese New Year. Of course, my CNY was partially ruined. However, whatever days I've got I had spent it well with my family and friends. Movies, lots of food, jokes. Although I must say, several incidents whereby some people have lost some money and I was one of them. It was very unfortunate (seriously) but it was a lesson learnt. This incident was of course forgotten when I had my CNY spirit drummed into me when I was at GSC, Tropicana City Mall for a CNY movie. They had lion dance at the lobby of the cinema and the lions went into every single hall. When I heard the sound of the drums, I was immediately reminded that I am Chinese, I am proud to be Chinese and I should spend my CNY well and not dwell in negativity (refer above).

A little bit earlier than February, my sister left KL to fly back to Australia. She was back for holidays for about a month. Good times. Very rare that the Teh family can get together in one complete group!

So for the first 2 months of 2011, life didn't work out to my desired "level". BUT I have so much to look forward to, apart from the less-than-desirable outcome so far...

2010-12-07T14:43:00.002+08:00

I'm seated at the living hall, watching Ghost Whisperer whilst writing this short post. It's so relaxing. I'm doing so via my phone. The wonders of technology. What will we do without it... :-).

Oh, it's lunch time too. Haha. Eat time!

2 weeks to Christmas!!

A Letter From Mom & Dad

2010-12-06T16:10:00.000+08:00

You Can't Pray Away the Gay

2010-11-28T21:02:00.001+08:00

HIV / AIDS Series #6

2010-11-28T20:52:00.002+08:00

AIDS: A Love Story

By River Huston

November 21, 2010

For our World AIDS Day 2010 section, we wanted to capture the diversity of the AIDS community. So, we reached out to people across the world -- mostly those who have never written for us before -- and asked them to guest blog. These columns are written by people who are living with HIV, have been affected by HIV, or work in the field.

It is 6 a.m. and I am sitting on my porch drinking my first cup of coffee of the day. This is absolutely the best part of my day. I empty my mind and listen to the birds with my little poodle mix (which you could call a porkie or a perrier -- they used to be mutts; now they're labradoodles and shitles). I feel his warm little body settled in next to my hip and all is well with the world. No e-mail, texts, phone calls. I don't think about schedules, contracts or packing for the next trip, what I will wear today, and the long list of to-do's sitting in my office. This is the time of day when unsolicited thoughts settle into my consciousness like a fresh blanket of snow. Maybe it's a new way of looking at a painting, the right turn of a phrase for a poem or an idea for a book, blog or column.

This morning as I watched the trees barren of leaves sway in the brisk air, I realize no matter the time and the energy I have spent deconstructing the walls of my life, HIV still defines me, at least on a cellular level. Is it the eight pills I have to take every day no matter what? The safe sex I continue to have with my husband of 10 years? The silence of a morning absent of children?

Ohh. That all sounds so sad. But it isn't. Instead I find it curious -- something to reflect on, or just interesting. I have that luxury because I have access to treatment. I have been positive more than 25 years and I am detached from this life -- a practice I acquired living with two terminal illnesses over the past few decades. (I guess not so terminal! But that's another story).

So with the rambling preamble, this is what I got: Deep inside there is a sadness that the boundaries of my life have been marked out by HIV. There is no walking away from it. Since HIV has the possibility of being manageable, many of my comrades have decided to take different paths -- and along with the U.S.A. as a whole, put HIV on the back burner.

When I recently released a DVD based on a book I wrote on women and HIV, A Positive Life: Portraits of Women Living with HIV, many of the women from the book asked how public of a release it would it be. No worries there -- it was just me and Final Cut Pro. But many said they didn't want any part of it.

I don't think it's shame that prevents them from participating or wanting it to be kept low key. I just think that living with HIV can be such a burden that weighs you down emotionally; and if you are a survivor of many years, you need to put it in the back of closet for a while, or simply break up.

I did that a little bit by reinventing my presentations with non-HIV-related names and content -- such as SEXED, Surviving the Weekend and Sex, Cellulite and Large Farm Equipment. These titles did not even convey a hint that I'm HIV positive. I still talk about my journey with HIV, but now it usually takes up only 10 minutes of my presentation instead of the whole hour.

Paradoxically the bulk of the questions are about HIV; and ironically they are the same questions I was asked 20 years ago:

"Do you have HIV or AIDS?" Technically AIDS, now HIV positive; I don't know, I call it all HIV infection.

"How long do you have to live? Don't know, God's will.

"How come you look so good?" Lots of bed rest. Two terminal illnesses gives you the opportunity for that kind of activity, as well as never having the desire to sunbathe.

"Do you have sex with your husband?" Yes, safe sex has become a habit over the years. It has little to do with barrier sex because I don't think that is much fun, but more to do with intimacy, love and creativity.

One of the oldies but goodies: "How did you get it?" It was a mosquito, really big; or maybe my mother was an IV-drug-using prostitute who used to bite me every time I breast-fed. You have to have a special sense of humor to laugh at my jokes. What I end up telling them is, it was either semen or blood that entered my system through some form of sex.

"Can you get it from kissing someone?" Yes, I still get that question, and I tell them it takes about two buckets of saliva to infect someone and if you are drinking two buckets of spit you have more things to worry about than HIV. I also explain never to kiss someone who is bleeding from the mouth, no matter how hot they are.

So people are interested. Recently Mondo on Project Runway revealed his positive status to the judges. A ploy for immunity from elimination? Nahhh -- his outfit definitely was rocking, or as they say, epic. He heard the usual round of things you hear whenever you disclose, "You are amazing," "I am so honored that you shared that with us," "You are so brave" -- it goes on. He had the usual reaction from holding onto something for so long: relief and tears. Regardless of the fact that there is treatment, it is no less traumatic to disclose.

It is the trauma, drama and burden of living with HIV, not the actual virus and eventual disease, that plague me. This morning as the sun comes up I think about another approaching World AIDS Day. It is a marker for me. It has evolved over the years. In the beginning it was about crisis and desperately trying to get people's attention so they'd take action. Today we are still trying to get people's attention but it often feels less urgent.

For me it means I survived another year, and it is a new year with the curiosity of what will it bring. I will probably speak at a number of events; it is a day people all vie to book me. I will charge larger sums of money. (My rationalization is it will pay for my medication and health insurance at least for a few months) It is the one day of the year my performances and presentations are unabashedly about living with HIV.

I work closely with the people hiring me to help them get an audience. If not, it usually turns out to be a handful of souls who are infected, directly affected through friends or family members and/or a few very focused activists. To get widespread participation takes dedicated marketing, a promise of a good time or at least something meaningful for people to take time out of their day and come out to hear about a topic they feel they have already heard enough of.

It makes me sigh with this thought of what I need to do to make people care, as well as break the preconceived notions of what they think they know. Why do I still try? I don't celebrate anything else in my life -- holidays, birthdays, anniversaries. (Odd, I know, but I didn't grow up celebrating them and they come so fast I have never gotten a grip on them) But World AIDS Day always gets my attention, though "celebrate" is not the word I use. It is closer to "recognize" -- sort of like Yom Kippur but for my disease.

I give my diagnosis credit for pushing me to the edge and reshaping my view on fear. "Just do it, you are going to die anyway." That thought propelled me to write books, get on stages and do art exhibits -- as well as marry a 24-year-old, max out credit cards and get a subzero mortgage. Some things good, some not so much.

I have tried to use my HIV diagnosis in the most positive way possible and never as an excuse for not doing something. I am blessed, as I mentioned before, to have access to treatment; and appalled that right now people are dying for the lack of that handful of pills I take every night. Since I was never a big joiner-grassroots, NGO type gal (I am more of a free radical), I participate in the only way I know how, which usually entails making a spectacle of myself; being available for people to ask questions and in doing so, hopefully shift their behavior to lower their risk of becoming infected; and inspiring people to have a little less judgment of those who carry the weight that comes with living with a still unacceptable, not at all hot, sexy or fashionable illness.

No matter how much I wanted to be seen as a writer, performer, educator, artist, etc., my life has and always will be informed by HIV. It is not a banner I wave, just a reality I accept. As time goes by I have more peace with my diagnosis -- almost a weird affection, for the virus that truly changed my life.

River Huston is an award-winning poet, journalist, performer and activist living in Pennsylvania.

Read more of A River Runs Through It, River's blog, on TheBody.com.

Source: http://www.thebody.com/content/art59528.html?ic=700100

Men & Women Infected with HIV/AIDS in Malaysia

2010-11-28T20:32:00.005+08:00

I read one article in the newspaper a few days ago, with sadness. The title of the article was "Insist on Safe Sex, Groups Tell Women". It was in the Star newspaper. Apart from the rising number of women infected with HIV, this sentence struck me like a lightning:

"...many women had a false sense of security that they were safe as they were in a monogamous relationship - not knowing that their husbands or boyfriends could be seeking other sexual partners."

What a shame! What we do not know is the demographic aspect of it. Whatever it is, it is very unfair to these women. I've said many times in here that men will seek whatever that they could not from their partner, elsewhere. The above may be one of such instances. Having said the above, the medical tech has advanced so much, it is now possible for HIVers to have a full life. This is true worldwide. Read my entries about HIV / AIDS Series.

To all the HIV / AIDS fighters, survivors and supporters, soldier on!

HIV / AIDS Series #5

2010-11-20T17:18:00.005+08:00

The Benefits of Living With HIV

By Anonymous

November 15, 2010

There is a lot of negativity and heaviness when talking about HIV. People rarely get to hear the positivity and the beauty of living with this disease. So I want to provide a different side of the dialogue around the epidemic and talk about the benefits of living with HIV. Since my diagnosis a little over two years ago, I have seen so many positive changes that I would not have otherwise recognized at this point in my life. As crazy as this may sound, I have gotten to a place where I know I am lucky to be living with HIV.

Benefit No. 1: Clarity.

Every day since my diagnosis, I have gained more clarity. Who I am. What I want in life. What is most important to me. Who is most important to me. What I want in a friend. What I want in a life partner. My goals. My dreams. My present. My future.

All of it continues to become so clear. Suddenly that cliché of living every day like it is your last is resonating with me. If I really had just this one day to live, I would want to live it with purpose, with stability, and with passion. The small stuff, the daily drama, and the bullshit does not get to me like it used to. It is a breath of fresh air to have more of this inner peace.

Benefit No. 2: What I Stand For.

What is interesting about living with HIV is that it impacts you in different ways as you change and as your life changes. HIV has a tendency to blindside me when I thought I had a part of my process figured out. Lo and behold, it comes back -- incarnated -- with a bigger bite than before. Each time I get that bite, I tackle it and the parts of my life that it affects. In doing so, I become more grounded, more planted into the earth, more rooted, and more confident in what I stand for and why. I am extremely thankful and blessed to have supportive people who foster a safe space where I can explore and develop myself.

Benefit No. 3: Spirituality.

In the past two years I have really looked to the Higher Powers. In my healing process, I've come to terms with mortality. It is a fact that I am living with a chronic disease and it is a fact that my body will decay and return to the earth no matter how well I take care of myself. Reacting to these facts, I am in such awe of each human being's role in the grand scheme of things. It is a dose of humility. I am a fleeting blink of an eye in this universe, I don't have all the answers, and I am OK with that. I am OK with surrendering.

Benefit No. 4: The Perfect Filter.

Thank you HIV for being the PERFECT filter. Because of you I refuse to invest in people who do not love and appreciate me for me. Because of you I have been introduced to phenomenal people and everyday heroes I would not have met otherwise. Because of you I know that I have rights to knowledge, rights to speak out and be heard, rights to be respected, rights to have love, rights to have hot sex, and rights to have as many children as I want. Because of you I continue to develop true and real human relationships with my family and my friends. Because of you I have found a beautiful support system. Because of you my definition of "success" has become more robust. Because of you I cut down on spending time and energy on the shit that life can hand you. Because of you I know I have no limits.

For me, HIV is one of the best things that ever happened to me. My process continues to be difficult as I make choices and life decisions as an HIV-positive Asian woman in her very early 20s. However, through my diagnosis I have become empowered. I have found a voice and a blissful urge to live.

Source: http://www.thebody.com/content/art59401.html?ic=700100

Would you turn back time?

2010-11-08T21:57:00.005+08:00

Given a chance, would you turn back time?

If this question was posed to me about 1.5 years ago, I would've given a resounding "YES"! 1.5 years later, my answer is "NO"! It is true what people say. Your perception changes over time. There's no guarantee that my "no" answer will hold true until the end of time.

Who we are today are a direct result of what happened in the years that had gone by. Our experience makes us. The wisdom that we've gathered through all these years define us.

After much thinking, I came to a conclusion. We often dwell in the past and wish that we could've done something differently. How about letting the past be the past and concentrate on living now and strive to improve for the future? After all, you live but once in this lifetime. You don't need Google to tell you that... :-)

The purpose of life is to live it, to taste experience to the utmost, to reach out eagerly and without fear for newer and richer experience. (Eleanor Roosevelt)

Young Generation: Unnecessary Expenditure

2010-11-06T12:03:00.005+08:00

The young generation nowadays is so different from 5 years ago (or more!).

I am now seated at Starbucks, Telawi @Bangsar. I observe that youngsters nowadays put very high value on feeling great and wanting to be seen. I shall tell you why is my observation so..

Scenario:

In front of me is a young girl. She's studying in college / university. She has a Macbook (White) in front of her. The machine is a new model. She has a Blackberry Bold on the table. A bunch of post-it notes at the ready. Her textbook. In between her fingers, a lit cigarette.

My analysis:

She needs a MacBook? I think so, although there are many other models available in the market selling at a more affordable price.

She needs a Blackberry (BB)? Not really. Do you need to have push e-mail capability? Will the world cease to exist if you don't reply to emails that may read "Hey, free for dinner? ABC is coming. He's so hot, you won't want to miss him in action". I don't think so. However, I understand the need to stay connected 24/7. But a BB is not necessary for a KID to do that! From the marketing angle, this demographic segment is what the telcos and manufacturers are targeting now. So can't really blame these youngsters as well for being smitten with these gadgets, although I still think they are absolutely unnecessary.

Post-It Notes? Of course. No question there.

Cigarette? NOT AT ALL! Why do you think she smokes? Peers are smoking, maybe. Maybe she thought smoking is cool. For all you know, she just wants to be an adult faster than her biological self is allowing it. Unbeknownst to her, she will have decades of that in the future upon graduation. She should concentrate on being a student.

Study in Starbucks? Can't she do it at home? There are so many distractions here. In any case, I believe that she thinks she looks cool doing it in Starbucks. Maybe her home is noisier than Starbucks. Maybe indeed Starbucks is more conducive for learning! (I don't know).

Oh and by the way, she has all these gadgets and lifestyle but her textbook was Xerox-ed. Talk about priorities and responsible spending. Sigh. Something that I notice among youngsters now: Buying original textbooks are a waste of money but drinking Starbucks coffee and spending parents' money unnecessarily on stuff you don't really need are OK!

Test Post

2010-10-31T14:22:00.001+08:00

I am trying to write a new post from Blogbooster which I just downloaded earlier today. This blogpost is a test. Please ignore.

Font size original. My name is John Teh. I am testing this app.

Font size 9. My name is John Teh. I am testing this app.

~~Font size 10~~. My name is John Teh. I am testing this app.

Font size 11. My name is John Teh. I am testing this app.

Font size 12. My name is John Teh. I am testing this app.

It can do this too. Haha.

John T. (posted via Blogbooster)

What is Uncertainty?

2010-10-30T22:48:00.006+08:00

UNCERTAINTY causes demotivation. Demotivation takes away passion. Passion is enthusiasm. Therefore, demotivation takes away the enthusiasm. The power of uncertainty...

The vicious psychological cycle that is going through my mind now. The "push" factor is getting stronger in each observation. All observations stemmed from uncertainty.

Demon Within

2010-10-24T21:55:00.004+08:00

Oh my, what a whirlwind these 2 weeks had been; particularly with the demon within.

I have been feeling a little "lost" with myself with regard to several issues. The demon within stirred (and still stirring). Stir it may, but it's not easy to sway John Teh. I'm talking in riddles because it's not worth the risk talking about it on public domain.

Also recently, I compared notes with several friends of mine. I also checked with several trusted sources when the subject matter is related to recruitment and/or remuneration (I've been busy). The conclusion is: I am underpaid. How true is that, I do not know as I can't do a regional peer survey (grin), but if you apply the logic of "An international recruitment / HR firm knows best" and look at the market statistics provided by the "firm", then yeah, I'm underpaid.

Sensing that, the above-mentioned firm went into business mode and offered to keep a job lookout for me. If they are successful in placing me, they get the money. Talk about optimizing your network...

Mary Byrne - X Factor 2010

2010-10-18T20:03:00.004+08:00

She is a 50-year-old woman working in Tesco. She's full of confidence when she spoke. I respect that. One of the best. You can feel her...

HIV / AIDS Series #4

2010-10-11T22:52:00.004+08:00

Through My Eyes: The Rev. Kevin E. Taylor

June 14, 2010

Some experts believe that sociocultural factors, including a "wounded spirit," leave many Black gay men vulnerable to HIV. Here, a Black gay minister offers advice to other Black gay men on loving themselves, expressing their gifts and finding comfort in God.

I am a proud Black gay man who was born in the projects of Washington, D.C. Like many gay men, I struggled with religion and my orientation. So many Black gay men have been beaten down by homophobia, discrimination, the church or HIV that they feel as if they are "broken" and disconnected from their church or spirituality. Many have been rejected from their homes or churches. And that's too bad, because Black gay men have so many creative gifts to offer. We've been the backbone of many churches for decades.

If you are a Black gay, or same-gender-loving, man looking to build a closer relationship with God, my advice is simple: Study the Bible and not what people say about the Bible. Many people in the church today are more like the Pharisees and leaders Jesus came to rebuke than the Christ they say they love. If you're looking for a new church home, find one that will love the "whole" you, that will accept and honor your life and loves as a Black gay man. Sometimes there is pressure to attend a certain church or denomination, and to stay around what is familiar. Don't give in; just do "you," not what people say "you" should do.

If you're looking for something nontraditional, that's fine, too, as long as it works for you. Find your Higher Power.

But if you're looking in the Bible, there are Scriptures that tell people that God has always "known" us. My favorite is from the book of Jeremiah: "Before you were formed in your mother's womb, I knew you." These are very comforting to read, especially when people are struggling with their sexuality or trying to come out. Black gay men especially need to be reminded that we are wonderfully made and that God searches the heart -- not the orientation or the skin color.

One of the greatest tricks of oppression is to get the oppressed to believe that they are damaged goods. Many of us crave acceptance, but there is a very big difference between acceptance and love. Black people have been in America for centuries, and some people will never accept us as equals. The same holds true for gay men, especially those of color. We are already feeling "less than" because we think we don't see enough positive images of ourselves. But Black gay men are making incredible contributions -- Lee Daniels received an Academy Award nomination for Precious.

I was ordained as a minister in 2000 with the Unity Fellowship Church Movement. It's a primarily Black LGBT denomination, so you get that intense traditional Black-church worship service but with an inclusive message. Over the years I've counseled many couples and many brothas. Many have come to me when their status changed or when they learned that a partner was HIV-positive. Every day is a wake-up call to life. Sometimes this diagnosis can shake us into the present to help us become more conscious about the business of living. One of my good brotha friends has been positive for 26 years, so it can be a "live" notice and a clarion call to live your truth and do what brings you joy and happiness. It's time for some action. Don't put your dreams off until tomorrow. Today is all any of us knows.

My life as a Black gay man has been amazing. I've had a great career working in the entertainment industry and a wonderful spiritual calling. Five years ago I adopted a now 20-year-old son, and it was incredible watching him grow into a young man. Many brothas sometimes wonder how they can give back to the community. Have you considered mentoring youth? Or volunteering in your neighborhood? Black gay men have so many skills and talents that our community should tap into. And there is no greater satisfaction than seeing someone smile and hearing them thank you for helping them become a better person. When you live in your truth and stop trying to seek the approval of others, you stand taller. The truth will do that to you.

As told to Rod McCullom, a writer and television-news producer who blogs on Black gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender news and pop culture at rod20.com.

Source: http://www.thebody.com/content/art57147.html?ic=700100

Note To God - Charice

2010-10-10T19:57:00.005+08:00

Just a few days ago, I wrote about why I hate Justin Bieber. Well, I know it's a matter of preference. Each of us have different taste. Mine so happens to say "I hate Justin Bieber". A few minutes ago, I was browsing YouTube and decided to look for videos of Charice.

I came across this video of her singing her first single entitled "Note To God" on Oprah. The song was written by Diane Warren and produced by David Foster (Charice's producer). Both equally legendary. Charice went on Oprah to sing "Note To God" when she was 17. That year was 2009.

To be able to command such respect (not idolization) is amazing for a young girl her age. When Oprah was holding her forehead and the audience started to "worship" with her, you know she got it! From 2:15 onwards = awesomeness!

Have a listen... (it is also available on my Facebook page).

Levain Boulangerie Patisserie OR LongQserie(??) OR EatTrayserie(??)

2010-10-09T20:46:00.007+08:00

This afternoon, my family went to the bakery located in Kuala Lumpur. This bakery is called Levain Boulangerie Patisserie. It's my 3rd visit and my family's 2nd visit. We went to this bakery today because my sister requested that we take her there to try out the bread. It's her first, and probably her last!!

Levain Boulangerie Patisserie

No 7, Jalan Delima

Off Jalan Imbi

55100 Kuala Lumpur

Tel: 603.2142.6611

Opens from 8am to 8pm

I'm not going to tell the world about how nice the breads and food are because they are GOOD. The coffee too. If you google this place, you'll probably see 100% of the food blogs sing praises for this aristocratic bakery.

BUT I will tell you why I think some customers may not patron this place anymore. I will frame my thoughts along 2 main points i.e. Staff and Bread Turnaround Time.

#1: STAFF

All of the staff seems like they are VERY unwilling to work. Wanting them to smile is like trying to pry open their mouth to stuff feces inside!
Extraordinarily slow counter staff. The queue was building up and the lady at the counter (Chinese lady with short hair) was taking her own sweet time, trying to pack the breads into the box. We saw one lady just walked away with a tray full of breads to her table, without paying. Nobody noticed. She went for 2nd round after that, but only that time, she paid. Got business, but no money! What for?
Language-challenged staff. I had to repeat myself 3 times to get my point across. Third time was in Bahasa Melayu (BM) because during my 2nd attempt of telling her what I wanted, she responded to me in BM.
Stuck-up-looking-thinking-she's-all-important-double-standard lady that thinks she owns the place (Chinese lady with shoulder-length hair). She is one of the staff in my point 1. She didn't even look at you while servicing you. Surprisingly, in my previous visit, she smiled and greeted all the caucasian customers.
The manager (at least I think he is; Chinese guy with short hair) who thinks only mature people or foreigners are worthy of being his customers. The young people are just there to eat, apparently with no appreciation of whatsoever.

#2: BREAD TURNOVER RATE

So we were there at around 2:15pm. Went in with loads of energy and anticipation to sample its fine breads. Upon entering the place, we saw that almost 50% of the trays were empty and 50% of what was not empty was half empty. Bread crumbs abundant.
I asked the staff about when will they replenish the breads. She told me 3pm. Some will come out at 4pm. In my heart, I was shouting: "What are we suppose to eat NOW? Trays?!!"
Honestly, if you say you're open from 8am to 8pm, you're to make sure that your breads are available all the time from 8am to 8pm. There's no brief respite. There shouldn't be brief respite. Even if you based your production on trending, you would be able to estimate that on a weekend at around noon to 3pm, you'll have hungry customers coming in, especially if you're so well-marketed by the locals. Only dumb-dumbs can't recognise that.
One glaring mistake: The oven-baked pizza. It's one product that comes out this minute, gone the next. When it's gone, it doesn't come out again after a million hours. I've visited the place 3 times and I had no chance at eating the pizza at all. The aluminum foil was on display though, 24/7. Eat oven-baked aluminum foil?? Or maybe it's a marketing strategy: play hard to get... (not going to work very long)

I stress that the breads are good. The pasta is good. The coffee is good. The management is BAD! If a restaurant cannot handle volume, it'll run into problems. If a restaurant cannot hire the right-attitude staff, it'll chase customers away.

Btw, Levain is on Facebook. Check them out at Levain @Facebook

What I Hate About Justin Bieber

2010-10-05T23:40:00.006+08:00

What I hate about Justin Bieber? Read on:-

Hate his hair (looks like a wig)
Hate what he does with his hair (shaking his head every few minutes. I'm surprised he's not retarded yet from all the shaking)
Hate his lyrics (who sings "baby baby baby oo... baby baby baby nooo..."??)
Hate his interviews (sounds so flat)
Hate his mom (she so bleh...)
Hate his corny music videos (bowling alley, park with girls doing oh-i'm-shy-but-i'm-available act)

So there! Why I hate Justin Bieber.

HIV/AIDS Series #3

2010-10-03T20:37:00.003+08:00

Diva Living With AIDS

By Rae Lewis-Thornton

September 23, 2010

Welcome to my Blog, "Rae Lewis-Thornton Speaks" -- a collection and reposting of entries from my Web site, Diva Living With AIDS. As the first African-American woman to tell my story on the cover of a national publication, I have spent the last sixteen years sharing my life, style, hopes, dreams, and disappointments across the United States and even abroad. I never wanted to be a public person. I simply wanted to help bring about change.

As a young woman, I designed a wonderful plan for my life and by the time I was 23, I was halfway there. As a national political organizer, with eyes on the White House, I served as the National Youth Director for Rev. Jesse L. Jackson's 1984 and 1988 Presidential Campaigns. I sat in strategy meetings with great minds such as Alexis Herman, Secretary of Labor and Dorothy Height, the founder of the National Council of Negro Women. My plan was shaping up and I knew that this steady course would, sooner or later, guarantee me a position on a presidential campaign that was promised to win. And if I were smart enough and driven enough, which I was, this direction would guarantee me a position as White House Staff.

During this same period, as an up and coming political operative in Washington, HIV was also emerging on the scene. This mysterious virus literally scared the mess out of people. So much so, that once people discovered HIV was blood borne, the number of blood donations dropped drastically. When I heard the nonsense, I thought it was crazy! People actually believed that they could contract HIV, if they donated blood. In my attempt to combat the madness, I organized a blood drive in the winter of 1986. The previous year, they had just patented the HIV antibody test and all donated blood was now being tested for HIV.

A few months after the blood drive, I received a letter from the Red Cross. I assumed it was a thank you and laid it on my counter. I nonchalantly opened the letter telling me that something was wrong with the blood that I had donated. The next morning I went to the Red Cross and they told me I was HIV positive. I didn't know it that day, but my whole world changed right before my eyes. I was so naive that day; I completed a 12-hour workday.

The years following my diagnosis, I peacefully coexisted with HIV. It didn't bother me and I didn't bother it. I wasn't sick, so I stayed my course. My plan was looking more successful each day. Little did I know, it was inevitable, I would make a clinical transition to AIDS.

AIDS disrupted my world and shattered my dreams into a million little pieces, but God picked up those pieces and reshaped the direction of my life. After living in shame and secret with HIV for almost seven years, I couldn't continue to carry a weight so heavy. I let go! I started to tell my friends and political family that I had AIDS. It felt like tons of bricks had been lifted off my shoulders. I got a new walk and a new talk.

Things were looking up, but AIDS was unkind and it started to ravage my body and spirit. I went from three pills a day to 23 pills. I went from a size 12 to a size 6 in six months. I started to have back-to-back yeast infections and 21-day menstrual cycles. I became clinically depressed, and cried all day, every day. Things were looking gloomy, but God's plan never fails. Within a year I started speaking locally about my life living with AIDS and six months after that, Susan Taylor asked me to grace the cover of Essence Magazine in a cover story, Facing AIDS.

That Essence article placed me on a course of no return and pushed me into the national arena, as one of the most visible African-American AIDS activists in the United States. I was never much of a public speaker, but I had lots to say. I earned the reputation of being raw, candid, forthright, and honest. The fact that I met none of the stereotypes of people living with HIV was appealing to both the masses and the media. I used that fact effectively to challenge stereotypes and myths surrounding HIV/AIDS.

AIDS has been the catalyst that opened doors and drew people to me. This Blog is an extension of who I am and what I stand for. It is just another vehicle to give voice to my ministry.

A Diva Living With AIDS Blog will be true to the essence of my work and life as a woman. I will educate and inform through my eyes and life. Like in the past, I will address a gamut of issues including: HIV/AIDS, childhood sexual abuse, dating, overall health, politics, and of course beauty, Diva style. I am not limiting myself to one genre; the sky is the limit.

I made a promise sixteen years ago that I would be a voice for the voiceless, face for the faceless, bring hope to the hopeless and tear down barriers and stand withDIGNITY, as a woman living with AIDS. This Blog is another way for me to keep this promise. I am not a professional writer, just a Diva Living with AIDS and having her say.

Source: http://www.thebody.com/content/art58562.html?ic=700100

HIV/AIDS Education Series #1

2010-09-10T20:55:00.003+08:00

CD4 Cells

What Are CD4 Cells?

CD4 cells are a type of lymphocyte (white blood cell). They are an important part of the immune system. CD4 cells are sometimes called T-cells. There are two main types of CD4 cells. T-4 cells, also called CD4+, are "helper" cells. They lead the attack against infections. T-8 cells (CD8+) are "suppressor" cells that end the immune response. CD8 cells can also be "killer" cells that kill cancer cells and cells infected with a virus.

Researchers can tell these cells apart by specific proteins on the cell surface. A T-4 cell is a T-cell with CD4 molecules on its surface. This type of T-cell is also called "CD4 positive," or CD4.

Why Are CD4 Cells Important in HIV?

When HIV infects humans, the cells it infects most often are CD4 cells. The genetic code of the virus becomes part of the cells. When CD4 cells multiply to fight an infection, they also make more copies of HIV.

When someone is infected with HIV for a long time, the number of CD4 cells they have (their CD4 cell count) goes down. This is a sign that the immune system is being weakened. The lower the CD4 cell count, the more likely the person will get sick.

There are millions of different families of CD4 cells. Each family is designed to fight a specific type of germ. When HIV reduces the number of CD4 cells, some of these families can be totally wiped out. You can lose the ability to fight off the particular germs those families were designed for. If this happens, you might develop an opportunistic infection (see Fact Sheet 500).

What Is a CD4 Test?

A small sample of blood is taken from your finger. The blood is tested to count several types of cells. CD4 cells are not counted directly. Instead, the laboratory makes a calculation based on total white blood cells. The CD4 count is not exact.

What Factors Influence a CD4 Cell Count?

The CD4 cell value can change a lot. Time of day, fatigue, and stress can affect the test results. It's best to have blood drawn at the same time of day for each CD4 cell test, and to use the same laboratory.

Infections can have a large impact on CD4 cell counts. When your body fights an infection, the number of white blood cells (lymphocytes) goes up. CD4 counts go up, too. Vaccinations can cause the same effects. It's best to wait a couple of weeks after you recover from an infection or get a vaccination before you get a CD4 test.

How Are the Test Results Reported?

CD4 cell tests are normally reported as the number of cells in a cubic millimeter of blood, or mm³. Normal counts are usually between 500 and 1600. CD4 counts usually drop gradually in people with HIV. However, in some cases they can drop quickly.

Because the CD4 cell counts are so variable, some health care providers prefer to look at the CD4 cell percentages. These percentages refer to total lymphocytes. If your test reports CD4% = 34%, that means that 34% of your lymphocytes were CD4 cells. This percentage is more stable than the number of CD4 cells. The normal range is somewhere between 30% and 60%. Different labs use different ranges. There are no guidelines for treatment decisions based on CD4%. However, a CD4% below 14% is a definition of AIDS.

A CD4 count below 200 indicates serious immune damage. It is a sign of AIDS in people with HIV infection. A recent study showed that the CD4% is a better predictor of HIV disease progression than the CD4 count. However, the CD4 count is used to decide when to start treatment.

What Do the Numbers Mean?

The CD4 cell count is a key measure of the health of the immune system. The lower the count, the greater damage HIV has done. Anyone who has less than 200 CD4 cells, or a CD4 percentage less than 14%, is considered to have AIDS according to the US Centers for Disease Control.

CD4 counts are used together with the viral load to estimate how long someone will stay healthy. See Fact Sheet 125 for more information on the viral load test.

CD4 counts are also used to indicate when to start certain types of drug therapy:

When to start antiretroviral therapy (ART): When the CD4 count goes below 350, most health care providers begin ART (see Fact Sheet 403). Some health care providers use the CD4% going below 15% as a sign to start aggressive antiviral therapy, even if the CD4 count is high. Treatment guidelines keep changing. The recent trend is toward treatment at higher CD4 levels.

When to start drugs to prevent opportunistic infections: Most health care providers prescribe drugs to prevent opportunistic infections at the following CD4 levels:

Less than 200: pneumocystis pneumonia (PCP; see Fact Sheet 515)

Less than 100: toxoplasmosis (see Fact Sheet 517) and cryptococcosis (see Fact Sheet 503)

Less than 50: mycobacterium avium complex (MAC; see Fact Sheet 514)

Monitoring treatment success: With successful ART, CD4 counts rise. Sometimes they rise quickly. Other times they can go up slowly. If the CD4 count is low when ART is started, CD4 counts might not recover to normal levels. Also, if CD4 counts fall while you're taking ART, you might have to change your medications.

Higher CD4 counts are better. However, a normal CD4 count does not guarantee a normal immune system.

"Non-AIDS" Illness and Death

Now that people with AIDS are living are longer, there is more research on other causes of illness and death. These "non-AIDS" causes of death include liver disease, non-AIDS cancers, and heart disease. Overall, these deaths are decreasing. However, research shows a clear link between lower CD4 counts and the risk of death.

The Bottom Line

Because they are such an important indicator of the strength of the immune system, official treatment guidelines in the US suggest that CD4 counts be monitored every 3 to 4 months. See Fact Sheet 404 for more information on the treatment guidelines.

Source: http://www.thebody.com/content/treat/art6110.html?ts=pf

King of Fighters: King of Crap!!!!!

2010-09-05T22:11:00.003+08:00

I watched "The King of Fighters" yesterday evening at home, with family and friend. I have only one thought after I finished the movie: Thank goodness I watched the DVD.

(I don't even want to put the poster in JohnTeh.com)

It was absolutely terrible. I knew Maggie Q is not really a good actor but when the cast comprises a whole lot of others of the same calibre or worse, the entire movie became a farce. A movie adapted from a video game is supposed to make the game more popular and not the other way round; like TEKKEN. Unfortunately, this is a complete flop!

- Stiff actors

- Bad lines

- Lousy plot development

- Blind casting

In short, very amateur. The entire cast, including the director, scripwriter, producers and etc (the whole lot) should be banned from making any movies in the future, for at least a year. We laughed at their lines, when they were supposed to be serious! I call these lines "trying too hard".

HIV/AIDS Series #2

2010-09-01T22:30:00.009+08:00

Living Memory

By fogcityjohn

August 18, 2010

When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight.
-- Kahlil Gibran

I recently marked an anniversary. Unfortunately, it wasn't the kind you celebrate. No, it was instead a profoundly sorrowful occasion, the second anniversary of the death of one of the dearest friends I've ever had -- my friend R.

R didn't die from HIV. It was cancer that killed him, a disease that in another time carried almost as much stigma as HIV does today. Although R was HIV-negative, the virus shaped much of the last three decades of his life. To understand why, you need to know a little bit about his personal history.

R described himself as "a nice Jewish boy from the Midwest." He came to the Bay Area for college in the early '60s, went on to law school in San Francisco, got married, and then settled in the city I now call home. He and his wife had two children, whom R loved dearly, and for a while it seemed he would lead the life of a conventional heterosexual married man.

But in the mid-'70s, R's life took a different turn. He realized he was attracted to men. Like so many back then, he sought therapy in the hope of "changing." Fortunately, he found a therapist with the good sense to tell him not to bother fighting his true nature. So R and his wife divorced, and R came out, while keeping primary custody of the children. Despite all the turbulence in his life, R was always an amazing father.

In 1978, R met the man he described as the love of his life. On their first date, however, this man had a seizure, the cause of which went unidentified. They'd later discover that R's new love was gravely ill with a disease that did not yet have a name. R and his newfound love stayed together for the next seven years, until AIDS took his partner's life. (Astonishingly enough, despite having unprotected sex for all of those years, R remained uninfected by HIV.)

After his partner's death, R was overcome with grief. He'd lost the most precious thing he'd ever had, and he thought of ending his life. He later told me that in the days after his partner's funeral, he'd had a dream in which his partner appeared to him to tell him that it wasn't his time yet. So R shelved any plans to kill himself. He said that it was at that point that he more or less lost all sense of fear.

As he explained to me in that nasal, midwestern accent that he kept insisting he'd lost, "I just figured there was nothing to be afraid of, because the worst thing that could possibly happen to me had already happened." And as if to prove that he feared nothing, not even the disease that had killed the man he loved, R fell in love again . . . with an HIV-positive man, a man to whom R would remain loyal until he died.

With that background, I guess it shouldn't be surprising that R would be one of the first people with whom I would share the news of my diagnosis in 2004. We'd been introduced by a mutual friend before I came to San Francisco, and R and I had unexpectedly become good friends after I moved here. When I broke the news of my diagnosis to him, I saw anger flash briefly in his dark eyes, but it passed, and he fixed me with a calm, steady gaze. "Okay," he said evenly, "tell me what's going on medically."

And from that day on, R became my rock. He was the person I knew I could turn to in a crisis, and turn to him I did. He supported me through my struggle with lipoatrophy, counseled me on my relationship, and was always there to calm me down when, for whatever reason, it all seemed too much. I came to love R deeply, not in a romantic way, but in the way one loves a friend whom one trusts completely.

Not long afterward, R got his own diagnosis. He had a rare form of cancer, but it was at least treatable. He began chemotherapy, and for the next two years, it worked well. We spent some wonderful times together during those two years, and to be honest, I think I neglected other friends in favor of R. It was as if I wanted to have as much time as I possibly could with him before it was too late.

Then his chemo stopped working. There were discussions about possible alternatives, but before any could be explored, disaster struck. A tumor began to bleed, and R ended up in the ICU. His family came from around the country. We were sure we'd lost him, but the doctors brought him back from the edge. He was moved out of the ICU, and one day, I went to visit him after his various doctors -- oncologists, nephrologists, and internists -- had met with him to discuss his prognosis.

I stood by the side of his bed and he took my hand. Once again, he fixed me in that same steady gaze and told me that it was over. He was going to die. I burst into tears at his bedside, while he quietly held my hand, his eyes never once leaving me. The absurdity of the situation hit me, and I told him, "I'm the one who should be comforting you." "You have to do the hard part," he replied gently, "You're the one who's being left behind." It struck me then that this was typical. Even on his deathbed, R was still taking care of me.

He recovered enough to return home to hospice care. I remember the first day I went to visit him after he got out of the hospital. I'd intended to go up to his apartment and visit him there, but he surprised me by meeting me on the sidewalk outside his apartment building. I'll never forget the sight of him approaching, his arms outstretched to embrace me. I felt like I was seeing Lazarus risen from the dead.

R's last few months were a precious time for me. For the most part, we did what we'd always done, talking, laughing, and joking as if we had all the time in the world. But of course we didn't. R's health continued to decline as his cancer spread unchecked. He began to eat less and less, and he tired much more quickly. Sometimes he'd have to nap while I was visiting.

In his final weeks, R spent a great deal of time with his rabbi. He told me about their discussions, and I learned a great deal about Jewish views of the afterlife. R told me that some Jews don't believe that there is any life after death and that our only immortality is that we continue to exist in the memory of those who have known us. R said this is one reason Jews stress the idea of tikkun olam, or "repairing this world," because this world is all we have.

R died on a Friday, but I couldn't be with him. His tiny apartment wasn't big enough for anyone but his partner, his immediate family, and his hospice nurse. I got the news late that afternoon at work. Things became a blur. There was a memorial service, a funeral, and then we sat shiva. A cantor sang. (Is there any language more mournful than Hebrew?) And then suddenly it was over. R was gone, and I had nothing but his memory.

He left me a diamond stud earring that I never remove. I will wear it forever in remembrance. There truly isn't a day that I don't think of him. I personally don't believe in an afterlife. But if it is true that we live on in the memories of others, then R is not dead. He is living still, in my memory.

Source: http://www.thebody.com/content/art58123.html?ic=700100

HIV/AIDS Series #1

2010-09-01T22:27:00.000+08:00

I'm Smart, I'm Talented and People Like Me

The Art of Positive Thinking Despite My Inclination Toward Doubt, Destruction and General Self-Annihilation

By River Huston

April 21, 2010

I recently watched the movie The Bucket List [in which Morgan Freeman and Jack Nicholson, as two terminally ill guys, do all the things they wanted to do in life before they "kick the bucket"], and it made me laugh. Been there, done that. Okay mine was not as extreme but it was my "Bucket List". What I have found more challenging -- and have written about in the past -- is living after HIV treatment with the reality that I have as many years ahead of me as any healthy 50 year old woman.

So I don't know what to call it -- maybe my "Oh Shit I Maxed My Credit Cards, Now What List" or my "Hot Flash Fantasy List" -- but I needed to find things to make my life exciting and relevant. As many downfalls as there are to living with a terminal disease, there was rarely a dull moment -- whether it was the thrill of the emergency room (subdural brain bleed) or the freedom to not worry about what anyone thinks because I would be dead soon and no one would remember if I bombed on stage. So after some thought I came up with something to do with the rest of my life that I found exciting, scary and challenging.

I've always been creative. I think that when we are children, some of the first things we gravitate to are what we are meant to do in life. Often we are steered clear of these ideas by concerned parents, especially if they are in the creative realm. Whenever I expressed my delight in doing artwork my mother always said, "You will never make a living; you need to go to secretarial school and maybe someone will marry you".

Backwards thinking, but she also told me I should have never been born; and it is a good thing I was not really pretty because then I will not have the disappointment of watching my look fade like her. Don't worry, I have a good therapist. But as a child I didn't realize that Moms was not the font of wisdom I assumed all parents to be. I steered clear of the idea of ever thinking I could be an artist, even though it was something I loved more than anything else.

I painted on and off for 35 years, usually with a critical eye. I rarely shared about this passion and didn't ever seriously pursue it as a career. There were a few local exhibits in the early nineties when I was sure I was going to die very shortly so no one would dare say anything unkind, and a collective show for artists with AIDS at The Philadelphia Museum of Art, but mostly my paintings filled the walls of my house or sat in stacks in a closet.

Then came the financial crisis of the last few years. The crashing economy had colleges and corporations crossing off luxuries like motivational speakers from their budget, so I found more time on my hands than usual and painted almost nonstop.

Since there was no one there to remind me I was no Picasso, I just let my creative self thrive. Several hundred paintings later, I moved my workspace out of the living room into a studio and continued zealously to create. I never thought too much of selling until I saw an email for something called Artexpo. I opened it up and it was about a tradeshow for artists. Hundreds of artists come to Pier 94 in NYC to sell art -- and for the solo artist, such as myself, make contact with the hundreds of gallery owners, interior decorators and other art industry folk who attend on the first two days of the event. I squeezed my eyes, plunked down the fee for a booth and went from there. I tried not to think about it too much or I would certainly cancel.

The most dangerous place for me is in my own head. It's a bad neighborhood filled with all the criminal thoughts implanted by Mom and the rest of the world about how I will never succeed. To keep them at bay I picked the art to bring to the show, matted, framed and arranged it on my wall, with the dimensions of the booth in mind. I ordered postcards, business cards, wrote an artist's statement and built a website. I had about 3 months to prepare and with an extremely tight budget found all kinds of easy affordable options. Thank you vistaprint, canvasplace and iweb!

Upon arrival at Pier 94 I was stunned to see the magnitude of the place and the amazing art hanging when I unloaded the night before the opening. There were international galleries representing renowned artist from around the world, as well as established fine artists, commercial artists and even a celebrity artist (Jane Seymour). Way in the back of the exhibit hall, there was a section for the solo artists.

As I walked to my area my heart sank as I passed all this incredible work. Before I could stop myself I was behind enemy lines up in my head telling myself false tales: "What the fuck do you think you are doing?" "You suck!" This is going to be so embarrassing".

I had made the mistake of not asking anyone to come with me, so hanging 38 paintings by myself was daunting. Oh the things I forgot: hanging material, good tape measure (I had a wooden ruler!), ladder! But at least for the next 4 hours I was immersed in problem solving. I managed to get it up in some semblance of coherence and went back to my friend's apartment and tried not to think. She was not there and alone the negative thoughts circled in for the kill.

Sleep was elusive; every hour I would wake up sick that I had chosen to do this. I tried prayer, mediation. I would have called someone but didn't know anyone in a time zone that would find a 3 am call that was not a lost limb type of emergency acceptable behavior from a sober person.

With about 15 minutes of solid sleep behind me it came time to go to the venue. Fortunately I had a volunteer assistant come with and she was very supportive. I tried to keep all the insecurities compartmentalized in one place. Saying out loud you suck is such bad luck and unattractive as well, so I kept the thoughts at bay and set up business. Within two hours I sold 21 paintings. Turns out more than almost anyone else at the event. I was flustered stunned, happy, crazy.

The point of this whole ramble is not to brag but to share with you the human condition of insecurity, self-doubt and believing false messages that we all have to deal with at some point; and how to find a way around it. That no matter where you are in life, if you have a dream, an idea, the only way to get there is to go. Sounds simple but just like the torrent of thoughts that stole my sleep the night before, that same thinking can steal your dreams.

So take the jump, plunge whatever, and make your life everything you want it to be; if it is moving to the place you always dreamed of, adopting a kid, writing a book, becoming a chef, whatever it is, don't wait for the time to be right.

For all of you living with HIV/AIDS who have been around forever, we survived; and all the people newly diagnosed, don't limit yourself. Don't let a disease, a mother or your own thinking stand in the way. Nothing changes if nothing changes. That is all I got.

Take a look at my new art website as well as Artexpo -- which in another turn of events decided to feature me on their website.

Who knew!

Source: http://www.thebody.com/content/whatis/art56343.html

HIV/AIDS Series #0

2010-09-01T21:52:00.006+08:00

From today onwards, I will post one (or more) articles on living with HIV/AIDS for your reading. It will be entitled "HIV/AIDS Series #xx", with "xx" denoting the series number. The series will have this ribbon:

These people are positively charged individuals OR virally enhanced individuals.

These are also the very same people that are trying to continue living a normal life, although nothing is normal anymore from the point of their doctors saying "You're HIV+" 3 months ago, or 1 year, 5 years, 20 years ago. But they are trying. To them, living a full life is important, as is for everyone of us. What makes us so different from them?

Therefore, I will attempt to make you understand their situation, their emotions, their lives through the stories that I will post in JohnTeh.com. In the process, I hope I can make you accept them and be rid of all stigma surrounding HIV/AIDS. It's going to be tough, but it's a start!

Out and About

2010-09-01T21:10:00.003+08:00

Today was an eventful day. I did a number of things, mostly related to my second car. My sister, Catherine, was stopped by a police at one of their usual blocks late at night on Merdeka's eve (30/8). Her roadtax had expired since 27/8. She didn't realise that. Neither did my mom.

This morning, we had pan mee breakfast at Paramount Garden restaurant. Thereafter, we drove to EON Bank at Jalan Raja Laut to retrieve the car grant. It was great that my mom stayed in the car because the police came and issued summons to all the cars parked there. (didn't know that area is a "No Parking" zone). Anyway, got the grant and I sped down the highway to Takaful Ikhlas, at Ikhlas Point located at Bangsar South.

Super slow service. One of the slowest ever that I've experienced. BUT, the extremely slow service was caused by ONE lady. She kept on asking questions of her colleagues and they had to attend to her. I found out when it was my turn to go to the counter. My guy's name is Faizun. He was great. Efficient. Unfortunately, his efficiency was gravely affected by this idiot of a lady that constantly went:

"Bang, apa code ini?"

"Bang, apa no. telefon dia?"

"Kak, tak boleh pun. Kenapa? Kena tekan apa?"

"Alah, tak boleh lah. Tengok sekejap boleh?"

"Kak, berapa harga towel ni?"

"Alamak, tertekan. Kena start lagi sekali. Tekan apa code?"

She just went on and on with questions that a front-desk personnel should be well-versed with. Her colleagues had to put their work on hold and attend to her. I was annoyed but because my mood was good, I let it go. 20 minutes later, I got my car insurance done and the cover note was in my hand.

Hungry. Went to Delicious to have my all-time favourite pasta: Pesto Spaghettini. Yumm..

Then we hurried to the post office to renew our road tax. Service was good. Personnel at the Bangsar Baru's office was off the chain. They were efficient, friendly and all things nice. (maybe it has been quite a while since I experience good customer service by a government agency or GLC). We headed for home afterwards.

All the above took place from 10am to 2:30pm. I was a bit tired from the running around from PJ to KL and back to PJ. However, it was good because I got to go out with my mom. Been a while since both of us went out and "date". I enjoyed it thoroughly.

53 years of independence - we still bicker

2010-09-01T00:50:00.003+08:00

The Merdeka Day. I LOVE MY COUNTRY. It's a great country but I have to say this...

What have we learnt throughout 53 years of independence? The state of the nation is being made a mess by a select few parties led by clowns. To-date, it is very unfortunate that we still have arguments about rights, about who is more supreme than the other, which is the alpha race and etc.

The 1Malaysia concept is being made a farce merely by observing how these people act and react.

Instead of focusing on the big picture and making a mark in the world, we bicker. Apparently, that's something that we simply love doing. The "my-country-your-country" argument has been going on for ages and yet remain unresolved. Promises are no longer of value. It suffered great inflation. The foundation of trust suffers and it becomes weaker by the year.

We still have very good leaders in the country, government or private. We still have very good citizens. We still have many good things going on for the country but these good things can turn bad if we lose grip of things (I leave it to you to define what is meant by "thing"). It's politics.

Why can't all the shenanigans be expunged and everyone (or almost everyone) work towards unity and mutual development? Must it always be "my-country-your-country"? Why feel so insecure about your standing in the country?

Rise to the occasion and be a Malaysian. As long as we reside in the country, being Malaysian will always come first, then your race. If otherwise, 1Malaysia is moot. Imagine the 1Malaysia concept gets mutated and transformed into multiple variants; 1Melayu, 1Cina, 1India - think of the repercussions!

In the moment

2010-08-31T21:23:00.006+08:00

I spent a week in Taiwan with Darryl just 2 weeks ago. Time flies when you are having fun, that's for sure. Taiwan is the place you would want to be in if you like food and nice people. It's evident through me. I'm the epitome of a Malaysian tourist in Taiwan. I came back with excess baggage on my body. (LOL). If you wish to see John Teh in Taiwan, log into Facebook. I'm in there, in all my glory, 4 albums.

Now, I'm back and celebrating the nation's 53rd independence day. Working hard. Balancing my social calendar amidst the truckload of work that I have. It is also high time to have a good 'ol holiday with my family. Perhaps a local 2D2N holiday: The Legend Water Chalets @Port Dickson sounds good.

The Legend Water Chalets, Port Dickson

I'm also planning a lunch with my family. (You must be wondering why would a guy announce to the world that he's having lunch with his family). Well I have got news for you: Life is short. Live it. Brag about it. Flaunt it when you have it.

So, in the spirit of the Mega Sale Carnival, we will eat and shop this Saturday. Something to look forward to.

Hmm, my 2 sisters' birthdays are also just round the corner. More celebrations. More laughters. More living in the moment...

RM12 haircut and TWD

2010-08-08T18:51:00.005+08:00

My Taiwan trip is just 4 days away. It is now a full-blown holiday!! Not going to do any business.

I went for my haircut today. It was only RM12/=. Now who says good things don't come cheap. It's a matter of perception and how receptive are you to accept this fact. I was skeptical at first but I took a different view months ago! (haha).

I have been a satisfied customer for many months. Of course, one cannot expect to have one's hair coiffed to perfection, like those pompous salons but the result is surprisingly acceptable. Maybe I'm a guy and my head is relatively easier to "do". Maybe you should try it! Who knows, you'll be converted and thereafter save tens of ringgit from haircut(??) each time you get one...

Quick Cut Sdn Bhd

Ikano Power Centre, Damansara

Lot LG 35, Ikano Power Centre,
Jalan PJU 7/2,
Mutiara Damansara,
47800 Petaling Jaya,
Selangor Darul Ehsan

After my haircut, I went to buy some FOREX. So now, I'm all geared for Taiwan. I am going to take my luggage out from storage, in a jiffy. Just waiting for the laziness that has been plaguing me to go away. Haha. What's left to do is PACKING...

Book Slut | Kicked Car | Last Airbender

2010-08-07T15:22:00.007+08:00

I'm such a slut! I'm a book slut!

The Bitch who kicked my car!

The Last Airbender: M. Night should retire!

(Readers be warned. The contents you're about to read is not exactly rated "U" or "G").

Just a few weeks ago, I bought a few books. 2 weeks ago, I bought another 2 books. I bought "Eat, Pray, Love" by Elizabeth Gilbert AND "The Lost Symbol" by Dan Brown (he is now one of my favourite authors). I must admit that I have many books that I have yet to read, but I think buying them and putting them in your house (to be read) is perfectly acceptable. After all, there's tax benefit. So yeah, Hello, my name is John Teh. I'm a book slut! (not as bad as my sister though).

Talking about tax benefit, e-books should be entitled to tax exemption as well. They are BOOKS and just because they are not printed, doesn't make them any less "bookier". Plus, the country can "GO GREEN" as well if the nation goes "e-book". That way, I can also justify my purchase of iPad.

The Bitch Who Kicked My Car! (this is not Stieg Larsson book sequel to "The Girl Who Kicked the Hornet's Nest). Someone REALLY KICKED MY CAR! The story:-

I was driving out of SS2 with my friend to meet my family for a movie at 1Utama. I was at a junction wanting to get on to the main road. I think I spooked one lady that was trying to cross the road I was on. She (censored) kicked my car. Then she walked away nonchalantly.

Both of us cursed her like we have never cursed before. I know it's a sin to curse, but at that very moment in time, we just didn't care. (You wouldn't want to know what we said and wished for) We were in such rage that when we wanted to wind down the window to give her a piece of our minds, we can't even do it right and pressed all the wrong buttons. RAGE!! Fortunately, my car has no dents. I breathed a sigh of relief.

When we got to 1Utama, I was so excited that I will be watching The Last Airbender. I waited many moons for this movie to be released. I loved the cartoon so much!!

Verdict of movie: M. Night Shyamalan should be shot or be banned from directing movies. The movie had so much potential to be great, but he managed to screw it up bad. His movie "6th Sense" was probably the best. After that, he lost it and now I hate him with all my heart for ruining my cartoon.

Cheesy/lousy dialogue, bad acting, bad hairstyle (trust me, you will notice that the Princess Yue had a "PENIS HEAD" for a hairstyle. An erected penis head was addressing its guests. I just couldn't take it. We laughed so loudly in the car after the movie, reliving all the horrible moments of the movie. A penis head: M. Night really had outdone himself. This is only Book 1: Water. I don't think he'll dare direct the remaining 2 books; Earth and Fire. OMG!!! Casting of actors was absolutely crap.

Danial is only 4 & PERKASA

2010-07-05T22:09:00.005+08:00

Now now, apart my I can't feel my arms, shoulder and neck, I'm perfectly fine. I was at the gym, earlier this evening.

I was reading the online newspaper today and boy I was shocked. I was angry and I was shocked. Angry and Shocked. Yeah.

Auxiliary Cop knocked down a 4 year-old boy in Saujana Puchong. It was a hit-and-run incident. The boy was believed to have been flung more than 10m away from the impact. The boy's name is Danial Gabrial Abdullah. Such beautiful name.

(Danial - left. He is only 4 years old)

He suffered from cracked skull, brain haemorrhage and a broken ankle. Part of his scalp was scraped off and his left ear torn off. To top that, the van the auxiliary cop was driving allegedly rolled over Danial's leg, as he laid motionless (it was a hit-and-run). Danial is currently in ICU, fighting for his life. Read about it in The Star.

---------

Moving on... PERKASA. Oh My Goodness. Enough already. Apparently, I was advised only to say this much because my friends fear that I might be detained under the ISA. Well, or PERKASA would recommend that I be detained under the ISA because I'm the minority speaking my mind. In any case, read all about it here. The link has some related stories too. So you can knock yourself out. I've said too much already... shudder.

In the name of good fun, I'll link "his" infamous shit-talking video (literally) here, for all to see, again...

We live in such an exciting country... Sigh 3x. One day if I'm powerful enough and if he's still alive (looking at the way he responded to the interview, he might get stroke if he doesn't take care of himself), I'll tell him to go fly kite or probably a wau. Wow!!

Palace vs Lives of Monkeys

2010-07-04T01:49:00.003+08:00

RM821m for a palace that they don't need and "collateral damage" for the palace is dead monkeys.

On Thursday (1/7), I drove up the slope to my parking bay behind my office building. My mood to work was at the maximum until I was at my parking bay. The jungle behind my office building is now a clearing. I didn't realise anything the night before because I left the office around 9++pm. The shock on my face must have been very visible because my colleagues can tell. I was holding my cup of coffee with a pale face. Usually, my face is alight with happiness when I am holding my cup of coffee.

Not a single tree left. There were monkeys living in that jungle along with other animals. It was an ecosystem in there. The monkeys would sometimes come to my car and party on the rooftop. At first, i loathed them. After, I was ok. They became my "friends".

On that fateful 1/7, no monkeys were around to greet me in the morning. I wondered where they went. I knew the local authorities came to build cages of some sort to capture these monkeys and probably send them to another "jungle" or animal place. Alas, that was only what I thought.

Before I started my meeting after lunch, my colleagues and I talked about the above. To my horror, one of them told me that the local authorities actually shot those monkeys. THEY SHOT THEM! How inhumane is that? I was furious. How can they be so inconsiderate? It doesn't mean that if you're the ruler of the country (which btw, does nothing), you can do whatever you like, including monkey massacre. It may not be his fault, but he should know about it!

Last year when the residents of Damansara Heights complained about the presence of these monkeys around the area and probably dented or scratched their porsches, ferraris and etc, the local authorities shot the monkeys. At that time, they cited the reason of not having enough tranquilisers. Hence, they resorted to the use of real live ammo. Some residents saw injured monkeys lying by the road side of the housing areas and actually took the monkeys to the vet but some couldn't be rescued. Tell me, is that fair? We invaded their space and their habitat to make way for development and we shot them for staying around (because it was and still is their home)! To a certain extent, it's INJUSTICE!

I wrote a letter to the local authorities highlighting their incompetence in handling such matter. As usual, no response. One day, I'll just walk into their office and demand to see the person in charge or possibly, the person who made the decision to kill those poor animals.

You must be wondering why am I so angry over things that don't really concern me. Apart from the above, imagine little baby monkeys clinging on to their mothers and then they got shot! How's that?

Last thought: RM821m for a building you don't need but just want, rather than spending the money on those who are in need or to boost the economy.

Saturday @Shangri-La, Kuala Lumpur

2010-06-26T23:58:00.006+08:00

I am a very very heavy person, tonight! Sluggish...

My sister is visiting from Australia (Sydney). She was so considerate. She bought me a "Fuck Google, Ask Me!" t-shirt. Loving it. Unfortunately, it wasn't an appropriate t-shirt for the dinner. I shall wear it with my head held high, when I go shopping.

OK, back to today's event:-

I woke up super early this morning. I went home and was rather active until about 12pm. Got a bit hungry and downed a bowl of instant noodle. I think somehow my mom noticed that I was almost not moving and was in a "horizontal" position longer than usual. So she cooked instant noodle. Hehe. Then I got twice as lazy and sleepy. I went straight to bed. What was supposed to be a nap, ended up as a 2-hour sleep (probably more).

After my "nap", I had one serving of fruit jelly. Didn't want to eat too much because in the evening, I have a mission: To stuff my face @Shangri-La, KL.

(fast forward)

We arrived at Shangri-La, KL at 7:30pm sharp. I was so proud. Then the 2nd car arrived. Then 3rd car arrived. Sounds like we took the limo, eh? We didn't. Anyway, we had fun at Lemon Garden Cafe.

Attendance List:-

The Tehs (7)

Sean Wong (1)

Darryl Chang (1)

Sin Huey (Sing) (1)

Ten (10) fellas.

My mom didn't waste a single minute. The moment we settled down, she was already gone. She went straight for the food. Suddenly, everyone perked up and headed for the food.

We found that the restaurant was a bit too smoky, probably from the grill / somewhere. I told myself I will have none of it. I turned around and look for the guy that seems to be able to get things done. I found my target. Spoke to him. Voila, almost immediately, the area was no longer smoky.

_____ ...

First round (all determined to eat. Super active).

Second round (all still determined to eat).

Third round (losing momentum).

Fourth round (losing momentum 2x as fast).

Fifth round (lost momentum).

(in Economics, it simply translates to: the marginal utility had become negative after rounds of food, at around 10pm).

BUT SUDDENLY, Catherine stood up and went for the seafood again. We were shocked. She defied the very essence of Economics' theory, when it comes to the "law of diminishing returns". If her boyfriend were to be around, I think she'll go even further. The Teh family is the epitome of buffet dining (not all of us, but most of us!).

After that, at around 10:30pm, all of us headed home! The 1st car decided to take a detour to the DVD shop. Again, my sisters shocked me. The combined total of DVDs purchased was RM6xx. They were busy shopping for DVDs, while I sat on the stool, spinning around, bordering on "Are You Guys Done Yet?". The veins on my forehead were pulsing like a boom box.

(fast forward)

I'm writing this post. In my comfy air-conditioned room. Still in the clothes I wore for the dinner, smelling like the cafe.

As I relived all the things that had happened in the past few days, I found that I am a very happy man. For many reasons, I am super happy! Oh joy... (!!)

PS: Photos will be uploaded into FB in due course. Please wait. I think we have some very nice photos. After all, we're the Tehs (the tea), the Chang (the dumpling) and the Chew (the banana). (Note the words "I think").

An Evening Out, with my siblings

2010-06-20T21:24:00.003+08:00

Yesterday (Sat), I had an eventful evening. My mom, eldest sister (Alice) and youngest sister (Cat) drove to Pg, leaving behind myself, Rose & Mike. We had a blast.

We went to The Curve. We got hungry and can't wait for dinner time. So we went to Mama Nyonya (LG of IKANO) and had some kuihs. Enjoyed it.

Then when it was finally time (around 6:20pm), we went to this relatively new restaurant at the Curve called "Bumbu Desa". This restaurant serves Indonesian food. About the food: good, but not great. About the environment: if air-conditioned, better. Darryl was sweating. I never see him sweat (very rare). I kinda enjoy looking at him sweat. My sister was smiling. So four of us had a good dinner. The table was full with food. Hehehe.

Then it was time for Darryl to go back to work. We followed because my brother needed to make a new pair of glasses. His current one is beyond comprehension, seriously. We spent about 30 mins +/- @Focus Point, Ikano. After that, we went to BORDERS (yay!!!). I bought the following books - "Man and Wife" and "One For My Baby" by Tony Parsons as well as these two:-

It was so cool. Gonna do some reading this coming weekend. I have a 2-day planned leave to relax and rejuvenate. What's more interesting is my sister, Vivian will be visiting from Australia (THIS WEDNESDAY)!! LOL. It's gonna be fun. A lot of things will be happening this coming weekend. Stay tuned to read all about it, from this coming Wed evening up to the weekend!!! (BLISS). Life is good.

PS: I'll write the stories of the above books in a separate entry. :)

In My Daughter's Eyes (Martina McBride)

2010-06-14T22:31:00.000+08:00

Starts With A Kiss (Robin Thicke)

2010-06-14T21:42:00.004+08:00

STARTS WITH A KISS

(ALBUM: Sex Therapy: The Experience)

It starts with a kiss

Private clubs

Role playing

Voyeurism

Tickle me

I like to watch

Pinch me

Tickle me

Worship me (worship me)

It begins with kissing (it starts with a kiss)

(Robin Thicke)

1. Kiss me (kiss me)

2. Seduce me (Seduce me)

3. Tease me

4. Worship me (worship me)

5. Tie me up, tie me down (tie me down)

6. Sixty nine (sixty nine)

7. Role play with me

8. In a chair, on the stairs (on the stairs)

9. Beg for it

[Robin:] yeaaahhhh

10. Make me beg for it (make me beg for it)

[Robin:] whooo

Tickle me

Tease me

Fondle me

[Robin:]

I'll be the doctor you be the nurse

I can go second you can go first

Whatever's right for you, girl you just can't miss

No matter whatcha do as long as your with me

It starts with a kiss

Change

2010-06-13T22:16:00.001+08:00

I feel like I NEED A CHANGE.

change of ENVIRONMENT

change of GYM

change of ROUTINE

change of ...

Karate Kid (2010)

2010-06-13T21:44:00.002+08:00

Who knows that one can learn kung fu by just putting on and taking off one's jacket? This was what "Karate Kid" taught us. Haha. I'm kidding. The movie was good! I enjoyed all the characters in it. My favourite was "Xiao" Dre's mom, Sherry Parker (Taraji Henson). She the bomb!

The movie started with Dre Parker (Jaden Smith) moving to China with his mom. There, he made friends and of course, enemies. His major pain-in-the-ass enemy was Cheng, a chinese boy that went to the same school. Cheng knows kung fu. Dre didn't. He got his ass whooped good.

He met Mr. Han (Jackie Chan), the apartment's handyman. He knows kung fu. Things started picking up from there and the movie got more and more enjoyable. Of course, I hated Cheng to the bone, until at some parts of the movie whereby you actually found him to be quite affable. (I said "quite").

In all such movies, there must be a girl. Her name was Mei Ying. She was good too. She played very good violin in the movie. I was moved by her skills.

Having said the above, you can almost guess the entire story from the beginning to the end. It's no surprises. However, what was interesting was the plot, the things that happened in the movie and characters. At some point, you'll automatically clench your fist or just have the "Ouch" moments. I recommend this movie.

A-Team and Popeye's for Dinner

2010-06-09T22:30:00.005+08:00

Yesterday, I watched the movie "A-Team". The movie has 4 guys and a gal (Jessical Biel). She hot!

Very briefly, the movie was about 4 highly skilled military men whom were framed for something that they didn't do. Finding the need to clear their names and restore honour, they went rogue and worked together. The things they did were absolutely crazy and they were fun to watch.

Many candid moments. Many great stunts and effects. It was a great show, in short. Please read the synopsis for a better idea of the movie.

Btw, I had Popeye's (Louisiana Kitchen) for dinner. It was located at lower ground level of e@Curve. Very nice food. I must say that I prefer this to KFC. If you have not tried, please do. Yumm!!

I'm HOT

2010-06-07T21:48:00.004+08:00

I woke up feeling good, all geared up for work! (Rare, on a Monday).

Alas, when I arrived at the office, the air-conditioning wasn't proper. As I entered the office, I started to feel stuffy. Sigh. All my "geared up" mood went off, in a blip.

As the day progressed, I felt better because it was cooler.

Seriously, proper air-conditioning plays an important role in ensuring staff work at their optimum. Otherwise, the results would be like me. Suddenly, productivity took a plunge because the mood just wasn't there anymore. It is not extreme talk, it's TRUE.

What can I say? I'm HOT!

What do you want?

2010-06-06T22:28:00.002+08:00

If anyone asks me "What do you want?", my answer is this:-

To take a ONE-month leave (something like a sabbatical) and then just disappear elsewhere. No connection to the office, whatsoever. I need an office detox!

Daemon is a Dud

2010-06-05T12:25:00.005+08:00

Recently, I updated a status in my FB about a book that I've read entitled "Daemon". The status update read "Daemon by Daniel Suarez sucks. I finished reading it & felt as if I've wasted my time doing so! I will not read his second book "Freedom". "Digital Fortress" & this is a far cry. Such disappointment. Goodnight, everyone!".

Suarez failed to narrate properly by describing certain jargons in detail. Unlike "Digital Fortress" by Dan Brown, Suarez assumed that readers know what he's writing about. I have news for you, Suarez. WE DON'T. Maybe I'm dumb (I don't know) but if an author targets his book for worldwide release, he needs to write "for the masses". Suarez has to do something about it for his 3rd book, if any.

Definition of Daemon:

A computer programme that runs continuously in the background and performs specified operations at predefined times or in response to certain events. Condensed from "Disk And Execution MONitor".

Daemon centres around the idea of world domination and an attempt to end civilisation by a dead guy named Matthew Sobol, via his Daemon. The Daemon "reads" (or monitor) the news online and once certain keywords are identified, it goes into action by recruiting the public for its objective. Some people were recruited for their motivation to accomplish certain things and some for their brilliance. One can never imagine that a seemingly non-lethal computer application can be so deadly, worldwide. Due to our ever so connected world, the Daemon's power was remarkable. It managed to pool resources worldwide with unlimited funds and use them to threaten the very existence of major corporations, worldwide economies, governments and countries.

Unfortunately, why a dead guy would want to unleash a global electronic terror is beyond me. It wasn't explained well enough for me to comprehend the essence of his attack. Or maybe, I simply do not care anymore.

Daemon started somewhat confusing. I failed to imagine the situation at first. As I read along, it got better. Probably I "blended" in with his style. Then the story got exciting when the Daemon was activated. Several characters were built up rather well until Suarez decided to end them just like that (snap of a finger). I find that a bother. It was a turn off for me!

At about 2/3 into the book, I wanted to give up and stop reading. I decided against it. I "soldiered" on only to find that it reaffirms my dissatisfaction of the book.

If ever anybody ask me to rate this book, out of 10, I'll give it a 5. It is his first book written. He has a second book that was just released recently entitled "Freedom". I don't bother.

Carpet Burn is a Bitch

2010-06-05T11:42:00.003+08:00

Carpet burn is a bitch!

Let me relive the story...

There's a boy. There's a room. There's a carpet in the room. (sounds like a song already).

The boy didn't have enough sleep the night before. He slept at 4:30am. Woke up at 8:30am. The 4 hours sleep was not a good sleep either. Therefore, in the morning the boy was groggy. (Note: The boy tried sleeping at 12am. The boy rolled on the bed for 4 hours ++).

Boy went into the toilet with eyes half shut. Boy came out of the toilet with eyes half shut. Boy dragged his feet while walking out of the toilet.

Boy's foot went underneath the carpet. He didn't realise so. Boy tripped as he took the next step. Very gracefully, the boy did a lousy "pirouette" and in an attempt to break his fall, he stomped his "free" foot onto the carpet and chafed the shit out of his foot. The boy got himself a carpet burn.

Boy's shin knocked the computer table and the CPU located next to the table, on the floor. Boy cursed (for his shin and the table). There was as if, a 2.0 magnitude earthquake. A tremor!

That was the boy's morning. The boy = ME.

Khalil Fong @Arena Of Stars, Genting Highlands

2010-06-02T14:34:00.005+08:00

My first Chinese concert! It was held in the Arena of Stars, Genting Highlands on 29/5/2010.

I was very excited because I went up with good company and I actually like this Khalil guy, believe it or not! He has a good voice and his songs are my kind of songs. :).

We took off around 5pm from PJ and we reached around 6:15pm. It was raining, on the way up. Exciting drive, I must say. At around 7 plus, we went for a quick dinner; horrible dinner.

We went into the arena at about 7:45pm. It was all hype and excitement. Fans were seated in front, we were somewhere in the middle and the view was great actually. I was again, surprised.

The concert was opened by our very own local artist, Andrew Tan. He sung this song "Stardom" or "天后" from his album (also titled Stardom). It was good. He was good. I like his voice. Coarse but interesting! Just so you know, this album cover of his doesn't really do him any justice at all.

Then Khalil came out. The crowd was cheering, whistling and the atmosphere was absolutely cool. He belted several songs that I liked. I must confess that I like his Chinese songs more than his rendition of English classics e.g. Georgia on My Mind, You are the Sunshine of My Life, Wonderful Tonight and Moon River, amongst others. (note: I don't understand Mandarin. So when I say it's nice, it's the music and his voice. I'm trying hard to get a grasp of this dialect).

My favourite of the evening was "Ai Wo Ba (Love Me)". It was so good! He was playing the piano and everything sounded wonderful Live! I was ecstatic.

There were moments whereby I was laughing because of certain things that he had said and there were times when I was swaying, enjoying the music. In short, I had a good time. The whole thing ended slightly after 11pm.

The drive home was easy because it was clear. No mist, fog or etc because it was raining during the concert. Blessed.

Chef & Brew | Prince of Persia

2010-06-02T10:42:00.004+08:00

After a good dinner yesterday at Chef & Brew, we adjourned to Golden Screen Cinemas (GSC), Tropicana City Mall, for "Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time". It was a wonderful evening of food and movie. And like in true Cinderella style, we left at 12am. LOL.

Chef & Brew:

- Fish fillet with sides (wasabi + mayo sauce)

- Smoked duck olio spaghetti

- Seafood meehoon Indon style

- Iced teh tarik

- Lemon lime juice and salt

The meehoon (also referred to as vermicelli) had a story (simplified):-

Darryl: One "seafood mee Indon" please...

Waiter: OK

(roughly 15 minutes later, the waiter served us "seafood meehoon Indon". Darryl and I looked at each other)

John: We didn't order meehoon. We ordered mee.

Waiter: But he (Darryl) said meehoon.

John: No!

(Darryl and I looked at each other again)

Darryl: OK. No problem. You still want it?

John: It's ok. It's already here.

Waiter: Mmm, maybe I was wrong...

John: No, not maybe. You were wrong!

(Darryl smiled. Waiter walked away. Overall, the experience was good. Meehoon thank goodness turned out to be nice.)

Chef & Brew Restaurant

Epicure 1, No 1, Jalan Medan Setiabakti 1,

Damansara Heights, Kuala Lumpur.

Phone: +603.2095.9799

GSC, Tropicana City Mall:

We watched Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time. Honestly, my first impression of the movie was "???" because of the graphic. After a while, I was way okay with the whole movie.

Jake Gyllenhaal (Prince Dastan) was great. Toned up well. Gemma Arterton (Princess Tamina) was beautiful. She has that look that I like and the accent that I adore (British). She's only 24 years old. The other characters worked out well too. Everyone had pivotal role in the movie. Good!

A bit of the story: Prince Dastan was initially a kid living in the slums. One day, the King found him and liked his courage and the overall package in this boy. The King adopted him. Fast forward 15 years, they (Dastan and his brothers; royal by blood) conquered a holy country/city and besieged the Princess of Alamut, Princess Tamina. Gorgeous.

She's the guardian of the dagger and the sands of time. Annoying guardian at first but you'll grow to love her. Bad guys wanted the dagger to gain absolute power. What power? Watch yourself. Along the way, there were adventures and they made friends, good friends. There was a twist too.

All in all, you have a good story, nice people to gawk at, interesting actions, humour and etc. Watch it.

The Analysis of Need and Want

2010-05-31T22:04:00.009+08:00

need |nēd|

noun

1 circumstances in which something is necessary, or that require some course of action; necessity : the basic human need for food | [with infinitive ] there's no need to cry.

2 (often needs) a thing that is wanted or required : his day-to-day needs.

3 the state of lacking basic necessities such as food or money : a family whose need was particularly pressing.

want |wänt; wônt|

verb

1 [ trans. ] have a desire to possess or do (something); wish for : I want an apple | [with infinitive ]

john says:

The analysis of "Need" and "Want". Based on the above definition, courtesy of Dictionary by MacBook, which one do you think comes first before the other? I've always subscribe to this flow: need, then want. Why?

"Need" is primary (a requirement) whereas "Want" is secondary (a desire). You can live without the latter. But can you? This is the thing.

I found that when a person wants something, it can become a need. Simply because he wants it so much that without it (or not owning it), it affects his livelihood or his function. That is when the "Want" becomes the "Need".

Then, who gets to say "I need more money" and "I want more money"? OR "I need sex" and "I want sex"?

Which one is more "romantic" (relatively)?: "I need you" OR "I want you"?

Sex and the City 2

2010-05-29T09:26:00.008+08:00

Coming into the cinemas on 3 June 2010, Sex and the City 2 (SATC 2) is supposed to fire up those friendship bonds yet again, as displayed in the 1st SATC.

Unfortunately, this latest installment of SATC has disappointed the majority of critics.

"Sadly this sequel is not Sex and the City - it is 'Menopause in the Desert', and a waste of four great characters" (Britain's Times newspaper).

"Your watch will tell you that a shade less than two and a half hours have elapsed, but you may be shocked at just how much older you feel when the whole thing is over." (The New York Times)

The synopsis:-

What happens after you say "I do"? Life is everything the ladies ever wished it to be, but it wouldn't be "Sex and the City" if life didn't hold a few more surprises...this time in the form of a glamorous, sun-drenched adventure that whisks the women away from New York to one of the most luxurious, exotic and vivid places on earth, where the party never ends and there's something mysterious around every corner. It's an escape that comes exactly at the right moment for the four friends, who are finding themselves in--and fighting against--the traditional roles of marriage, motherhood and more.

After all, sometimes you just have to get away with the girls. --© Warner Bros

Go watch it. After all, one man's meat is another man's poison!

A Day in My Life

2010-05-28T21:49:00.002+08:00

I woke up early this morning. Around 9 plus. (by my standard, that's early). At about 10:30am, I reached Ikano Power Centre. Honestly, I do not know why they call it "Power Centre".

I had my haircut.

I walked around, yada yada yada.... (fast forward)...

I walked to the Curve thereafter because I needed to do some banking. It's very unlike me to do physical banking. Usually, I do all my banking online. However, CIMB Clicks doesn't seem to have interbank transfer for American Express (AMEX). Very odd!!

I went to CIMB Bank's ATM to withdraw RMx. I was holding a wad of cash. I felt very uncomfortable because I don't like holding so much cash. That probably explains my preference of online banking.

I needed to transact AMEX payment. I walked to Maybank. The ATM area was off bound because they were "loading" cash into the machines. They blocked the entrance (glass door) with 2 rubbish bins. I understood and hence, I walked into the mall and went straight to Borders. This was where the force of nature took over and I ended up purchasing a novel; "Daemon" by Daniel Suarez.

Half an hour later, I went back to Maybank. The loading job was done but the bins were still blocking the entrance and the security guard sat at a corner, staring into oblivion. People were waiting outside. As if there was a torque, I lit up straightaway and refusing to walk around with RMx, I pushed the glass door open and I knocked down one of the bins. The following took place:-

(security guard stared at me for knocking down the bin)

John: Sudah habis kenapa tak alih itu tong sampah bagi orang masuk?!

(security guard was still staring)

John: Hmmhh...

(people started to walk in to do their stuff)

5 minutes later, I was done! I walked out. I went to the gym.

At about 12:30pm, I reached Clark Hatch, KL Hilton, my soon-to-be-not-my-gym-by-end-June. I ran on the treadmill for 40 mins plus 5 mins warm-up at the beginning and 10 mins cooldown time. As if there was something itching inside, I went to the rowing machine and "rowed" 5,000m. My shoulder & neck were screaming!!!

(fast forward - watched TV, slept, sweated like pig, thunderstorm).

Dinner time. Had Assam Laksa for dinner. Home-cooked. (don't be jealous).

Went out for drinks and voila! I'm here, jabbering away...

Daemon

2010-05-28T17:44:00.003+08:00

Next up, "Daemon" by Daniel Suarez.

This book is something similar to "Digital Fortress" by Dan Brown that I've read a while ago. In fact, when I bought Digital Fortress, I was contemplating whether I should also purchase Daemon. I ended up buying "The LAST SONG" by Nicholas Spark.

A bit about this book:

"Daemon: computer programs running independently of human control. They make life simple. They make our networked world possible. And they should not be taken for granted. Neither should the men who design them.

When the obituary of Matthew Sobol, a legendary architect of computer games, is posted online, a previously dormant daemon activates, initiating a chain of events that unravels our interconnected world. It recruits, corrupts, and kills. With Sobol's secrets buried with him, and as new layers of his daemon are unleashed, it's up to Detective Peter Sebeck to wrest the world from the grasp of a malevolent, self-replicating virtual enemy before its ultimate, terrifying purpose is realised: to destroy civilisation. So far, Daemon is winning."

How is this possible, you think? Hmm, that was what caught my attention at the very beginning. I shall read, and then let you know what I think. Haha. :).

A Bankrupt Malaysia | 2019

2010-05-27T21:57:00.006+08:00

Rationalisation of subsidies. That's the move the Government is planning to take, to avoid bankruptcy in 2019.

Citizens of Malaysia (a.k.a "Rakyat") will decide whether the subsidies would stay and thus placing the entire country at risk of bankruptcy or opt for sustainability by agreeing to gradually cut subsidies. For more details of what subsidies would potentially be cut, please visit The Star Online newspaper.

Let's for the sake of argument, we assume that the rakyat chose the option to retain the subsidies ie status quo. What then?

Source: http://greenbergforassembly.com/wordpress/wp-content/uploads/2009/09/bankrupt.jpg

Let's all migrate! Unless we can be like the Americans. Debts all around (up to trillions) but the country is still very appealing! Question is: Can we? I know I'm not very patriotic, but what choice do I have? So let's all start to accumulate wealth in preparation for whatever that is to come.

Sucks to be the Prime Minister in 2019!

BUT... Who knows, the country will not suffer such fate! (positive thinking)

BP Fails Booming School 101 Gulf Oil Spill

2010-05-24T22:59:00.007+08:00

You will love this! The language is something to watch out for though.

These are some serious allegations. Despite being very entertaining, it may have repercussions. But it's a free world and it is the States, afterall. Everything is possible.

Deceptively Deceptive "Deception Point"

2010-05-24T21:54:00.005+08:00

Huh... I was blown away by the deceptiveness of "Deception Point".

How far would one go to ensure National Security? This book centralized its premise around the idea of National Security and Science. It's a National Security versus Science smackdown.

On Science, an object buried in the Arctic was discovered by the satellite NASA launched a while back. Its discovery, was what NASA had been waiting for... for many years. It was their biggest break, EVER... LITERALLY!

On National Security, the discovery in the Arctic threatens to cripple the highest power in American politics; the White House.

When these two intertwined, the combination proved lethal and when the deception surfaced, it sacrificed the brightest minds in the country, in the hope to balance Science and National Security!

At the end of every chapter, I just had to know what happened in the next chapter. I was on a roll!! Fast paced, gripping, chilling and ultimately mind-blogging. There was more than one twist in the story. Each twist, unexpected!

A very well-researched book. Joy to read!

Tragedy in India | 158 Feared Dead

2010-05-22T23:53:00.007+08:00

Another grim news! Air India's Boeing 737 overshot the runway at Mangalore's airport, crashed into a ravine and burst into flames in a wooded valley. 8 survived the crash, 158 feared dead. Read about it at CNN or BBC. Rescuers had to pull charred bodies from the wreckage. 146 bodies had been recovered and some burned beyond recognition.

This is how vicious the cycle of life could be. One second, you're so happy that you'll be landing and will see your loved ones and probably looking forward to the holiday that you've planned and the next second, you are gone. Very devastating.

No amount of compensation would take away the grief experienced by the relatives & loved ones of the victims. The Indian government tried to help by giving the families 200k rupees for each dead passenger and 50k rupees for each injured passenger. It's a very small amount of money. The government meant well, but I don't think it'll do. Honestly! I'm not a capitalist, but it is really not enough. I suppose it is not the government's job to compensate but more of the insurance companies. It's noble though because it is a form of aid.

What I find disturbing is that the airline has offered to the relatives of the crash victims, free passage to India. Talking about irrelevance... Sigh.

I Dreamed A Dream - Glee

2010-05-21T16:19:00.006+08:00

Amazing! Such talent. I didn't know Idina Menzel can sing so well. All of us know that Lea Michele can really belt it, but Menzel... Unexpected!

How emotions were poured into the song, how the mother can see the daughter but the daughter can't... The words of the song and how they long to see each other... How... (oh well, watch it yourself)

HALLELUJAH - Lee De Wyze (American Idol 2010)

2010-05-21T16:13:00.003+08:00

I like Lee's version of "Hallelujah". Very raw!

What do you think?!

2-year Old Fed Rat Poison

2010-05-21T15:49:00.004+08:00

My colleagues were talking about it yesterday, I didn't know what was it about. This morning, I read about it. I was so angry.

What kind of person poisons his own 2-year old son and then commit suicide? The couple from Mumbai, India that resided in Kuala Lumpur.

The couple fed their son with rat poison and waited for the poison to take effect before heading to the 29th floor and plunged to their death. Please read the newspaper article on this at The Star Online. Certainly, these deaths will not be given the "peace" factor.

Seriously, if you want to die, do it alone if you absolutely have to. Do not EVER drag your children along with you. They deserve to see the world. Do not deprive them of the goodness in life!! Simply because you've done something so wrong that you think it warrants your life (nothing is, by the way), you decided that your children should tag along. (initially, I wrote a 4-letter word here, but decided to remove it). It sickens me to even think of the thoughts that ran through their heads.

Whatever your problems, there're always solutions. Seek help. Talk to someone. Confide in someone. We will be amazed at how people would actually come out and help, if we just ask for it. We live in a world that's so networked, nothing is impossible and nothing is worth taking your life for...

Deception Point

2010-05-20T21:55:00.005+08:00

My next project: Deception Point

There's mystery to it! There's adrenaline. There's technology. What more I want? Nothing but to read this novel. Probably over the weekend?

"When a new NASA satellite spots evidence of an astonishingly rare object buried deep in the Arctic ice, the floundering space agency proclaims a much-needed victory… a victory that has profound implications for U.S. space policy and the impending presidential election.

With the Oval Office in the balance, the President dispatches White House Intelligence analyst Rachel Sexton to the Milne Ice Shelf to verify the authenticity of the find. Accompanied by a team of experts, including the charismatic academic Michael Tolland, Rachel uncovers the unthinkable—evidence of scientific trickery—a bold deception that threatens to plunge the world into controversy.

But before Rachel can contact the President, she and Michael are attacked by a deadly task force…a private team of assassins controlled by a mysterious powerbroker who will stop at nothing to hide the truth. Fleeing for their lives in an environment as desolate as it is lethal, they possess only one hope for survival: to find out who is behind this masterful ploy. The truth, they will learn, is the most shocking deception of all…

In his most thrilling novel to date, bestselling author Dan Brown transports readers from the ultra-secret National Reconnaissance Office to the towering ice shelves of the Arctic Circle, and back again to the hallways of power inside the West Wing. Heralded for masterfully intermingling science, history, and politics in his critically acclaimed thriller Angels & Demons, Brown has crafted another novel in which nothing is as it seems—and behind every corner is a stunning surprise. Deception Point is pulse-pounding fiction at its best." http://www.danbrown.com/#/deceptionPoint/plot

Protest: Thailand | Photo Gallery from The Star

2010-05-20T21:41:00.004+08:00

If we say we love our country and our people, why are we bombing each other, in protest? Political differences aside, all of us are human. There is no need to be violent.

Unfortunately, this is exactly what is going on in Thailand. In protest of the current Prime Minister Abhisit Vejjajiva, the citizens torched and smoldered buildings. Case in point: Central World Shopping Mall, Bangkok. Do we need to be so extreme? Where is the love for life? (sigh).

Follow the link to see a series of photos in the The Star online newspaper: The Star Online: Gallery.

I may not be interested in politics but I am interested in life. This is not how it (life) should be led and lived. Not in violence.

Digital Fortress Verdict

2010-05-17T20:53:00.002+08:00

"Digital Fortress". I LIKE!! I like the plot, the characters, the twist at the end. I just can't put down this book. At the end of almost every page, I want to know more, immediately. OK, I'm exaggerating a little but it's really a page-turner. The entire plot looked so real and so... possible, in the real world. Unputdownable.

Dan Brown demonstrated to readers that in time of desperation, one would do anything to secure one's livelihood while trying to also maintain his integrity and honour, although he deserves little, if not none.

The book also tells us that we should not give up, no matter how grave the situation is. Now that is something worth learning. Luck has a lot to do with being able to escape in one piece. But without perseverance, all the luck in the world would not help.

I recommend this book!

ADAM The Musical

2010-05-16T15:03:00.007+08:00

I am a big supporter of HIV/AIDS movements. I've read about this play in a few online resources but didn't really zoom into it, until a friend forwarded its brochure and factsheet to me. I read it, I liked it and I'm going to attend the play, perhaps sometime in June. For more information, please visit The Actors Studio website (brochure and factsheet available for download therein). Alternatively, please see the contents below:-

Director Joe Hasham OAM

Writer Mark Beau de Silva

Music & Lyrics By Lim Chuang Yik & Teng Ky-Gan

Musical Director Tracy Wong

Choreographer Lex Lakshman Balakrishnan

Arranger Raymond Kong

Costume Designer Phin

Executive Producer Dato’ Faridah Merican

Featuring Malik Taufik, Mark Sobels, Tria Aziz, Sandra Mannas Wolf, Mo Dee, Fairuz Tauhid, Maria Yasmin, Faridah Merican with Eewen Teoh, Kwan Ji-Ling, Lilian Boo, Lim Miaw Fen, Mariam Sri Cahaya, Siti Farrah Abdullah, Alvin Looi, Ivan Atienza Chan, Jon Chew, Michael Chen, Iz Nasrun, Tabitha Kong, Lim Kean Tat, Chan Wing Leong & Akmal Ayob

The Actors Studio will be unveiling its most ambitious production to date and the fruit of a year-long collaboration with the Malaysian AIDS Foundation.

With a cast of 23 comprising Malaysia’s top talents, an 8-piece band, 18 delightful songs (like ZAP,JUMBO SIZE and Lollipop), ADAM will be creating history on three counts - 35 record breaking performances, the first musical to highlight the HIV / AIDS issue and it is believed to be the first homegrown musical to emerge from the scene this year.

No propaganda.

No lectures.

No patronising.

No bullshit.

“Do you know, the first day he met you; his face was shining like a moon…He laughed at me, hold my hands, look into my eyes, with a smile, and I know, maybe this boy don’t need me anymore? Auntie Noni in ADAM (played by Faridah Merican)

Wedding preparations fill the air as Adam and Sylvia look forward to a lifetime together. But the preparations are not smooth sailing…

Sylvia spirals down an emotional roller coaster, as her inability to believe how lucky she has been to find Adam now is confirmed. She moves through friends, family, and strangers; their stories of life, death, and surviving provide comfort, horror, and love.

Their stories indirectly show the past, present, and future of her life if she chooses to still marry the sleeping Adam.

Adam is about the dangerous time we live in, of suspicion and fear of people and things we don’t know. It is about compassion and strength, and how these qualities can turn the bleakest days into one with light, even if it is just a faint one.

Adam is about finding true love, and knowing that we can be very lucky after all.

Source: The Actors Studio at http://www.theactorsstudio.com.my

Sunny Sunday

2010-05-16T14:50:00.002+08:00

I told myself that I will go to the gym tomorrow. This was said yesterday. Guess what? I went to the gym this morning. Haha. Such achievement.

I did mostly cardio work. Ran on the treadmill. Went crazy on the RPM machine. That's about it! The hardwork took about 1 hour. (Grin). Not exactly heavy duty, but enough, since I've been "absent" from the gym for quite a while. Slowly regaining my momentum. That's the objective.

Then I went to the sauna for 15 minutes, steam room for 5 minutes and finally jacuzzi for 5 minutes.

Shortly after that, I decided to have lunch with my friend. Subsequently, decided against it and took the long way home. LOL. I had lunch with my mom at the condo's canteen.

Am going to continue reading "Digital Fortress" later.

And then, home cooked nasi lemak for dinner. It is indeed a relaxing, sunny Sunday.

The LAST SONG's verdict & Digital Fortress

2010-05-15T22:24:00.003+08:00

So, I've finished reading "The LAST SONG". From my previous post regarding this subject, I was thinking that I would shed a tear from reading this novel. After all, it's Nicholas Sparks. Surprisingly, I didn't.

The story was a good one. It was sad, but it has a good ending to it. That's important (at least to me). Haha. It teaches you to always hear both sides of the story. Listen, experience, be patient and trust yourself to be a better person. Nice!

Now, my next project (a.k.a next novel) is "Digital Fortress" by Dan Brown. The author of "The Da Vinci Code" and "Angels and Demons". So far, the book is promising. I'm halfway through it. Despite being a 1998 book (1st edition), it is still very gripping. LOL.

"Chillingly current and filled with more intelligence secrets than Tom Clancy, Digital Fortress transports the reader deep within the most powerful intelligence organization on earth--the National Security Agency (NSA)--an ultra-secret, multi-billion dollar agency which (until now) less than three percent of Americans knew existed.

When the NSA's most classified technological wonder--an invincible code-breaking machine--encounters a mysterious code it cannot break, the agency calls in its head cryptographer, Susan Fletcher, a brilliant and beautiful mathematician. What she uncovers sends shock waves through the corridors of power.

The NSA is being held hostage... not by guns or bombs, but by a code so ingeniously complex that if released it will cripple U.S. intelligence.

Caught in an accelerating tempest of secrecy and lies, Susan Fletcher battles to save the agency she believes in. Betrayed on all sides she finds herself fighting not only for her country, but for her life, and in the end, for the life of the man she loves.

With a startling twist that leaves the agency scrambling to avert the biggest intelligence disaster in U.S. history, Digital Fortress never lets up.

From the underground hallways of power, to the skyscrapers of Tokyo, to the towering cathedrals of Spain, a desperate race unfolds. It is a battle for survival -- a crucial bid to destroy a creation of inconceivable genius... an impregnable code-writing formula that threatens to obliterate the balance of power. Forever.." http://www.danbrown.com/#/digitalFortress/plot

Sounds INTERESTING isn't it? (grin)

Semasa diliwat saya guna pelincir

2010-05-13T13:28:00.005+08:00

"Semasa diliwat saya guna pelincir". (When I was sodomised, I used lube)

He quoted that he was sodomised without his consent/by force. I have a question:

If one is being sodomised by force, will one say "Hold on, let me put on some lube."? Do you even have the time to say such thing, if the other party is trying to force himself into you?

His reply in court implied that he actually let himself be sodomised. Also, one could also read that he's quite experienced, considering the fact that he said he had used lubricant, when he was sodomised.

He also claimed that he was sodomised a few times. Again, I have a question:

If one (ADULT) is being sodomised, how can one be sodomised a few times without his consent/by force? Apart from that, he could've gone to the hospital for medical check-up earlier than he did? (My apologies, I have 2 questions)

If you could understand Bahasa Melayu, please read this newspaper article at Berita Harian.

I am not taking sides. I am just puzzled. I do not know who is the "bad guy". Honestly, I don't care. I'm just intrigued by the proceedings.

The LAST SONG

2010-05-11T23:01:00.013+08:00

I am probably the only guy left on this planet that reads a lovey-dovey novel. I'm reading "The LAST SONG" by Nicholas Sparks. Just FYI, the other novel from him that I really liked: A Walk To Remember. I cried. No joke. I didn't tear up. I bloody CRIED. (I wasn't young. I was already in my late teens). See how emotional I can get when it comes to fiction and movies? Sigh...

"A story about family,

first loves, second chances

and the moments in life

that lead you back home"

"Seventeen year-old Veronica “Ronnie” Miller’s life was turned upside-down when her parents divorced and her father moved from New York City to Wilmington, North Carolina. Three years later, she remains angry and alienated from her parents, especially her father… until her mother decides it would be in everyone’s best interest if she spent the summer in Wilmington with him. Ronnie’s father, a former concert pianist and teacher, is living a quiet life in the beach town, immersed in creating a work of art that will become the centerpiece of a local church. The tale that unfolds is an unforgettable story about love in its myriad forms – first love, the love between parents and children – that demonstrates, as only a Nicholas Sparks novel can, the many ways that deeply felt relationships can break our hearts… and heal them." http://www.nicholassparks.com

More or less, I know where the story is heading. I'm already half-way through the novel, since I started this evening. So far so good and I'm liking it. According to my two sisters, their eyeballs nearly fell off from the crying, towards the end. I wonder... I'll let you know what happened to me when I'm done with it. (grin). I look forward to watching the movie too.

End of a Chapter: Clark Hatch

2010-05-10T22:07:00.003+08:00

Those who know me will know that I love my gym (Clark Hatch) to bits. Access to fine wine, pool, jacuzzi (indoor and outdoor) and etc is so easy. Alas, this luxury had come to a close. I've terminated my membership today. I will no longer be a member of Clark Hatch with effect from 1/7/2010. To know why I love it to bits, please read this post.

How Clark Hatch's front desk handled the termination of my membership was excellent. It was done very professionally without haggling. I've joined several gyms prior to this and when I decided to discontinue, they acted as if we were in the market. I despise that. I have all my respect for Clark Hatch. They do pride themselves as being the gym for busy professionals.

So, it's time to move on. Time to be practical. Time to join Fitness First. That will come in mid-June. It is a gym that I don't give a hood about previously due to my bad experience with the club. Nevertheless, one must let go, especially after so many years. Occasionally, I still hear negative things about FF but it is for me to verify them.

For now, I'll enjoy what's left of my Clark Hatch membership. I'll take up all that they have to offer at business class level, up to the end of June 2010.

Transition

2010-05-08T22:31:00.002+08:00

This is not about the "Transition Lense" that you see on TV. :-) It's about my moving from Clark Hatch, KL Hilton to Fitness First (FF). I'm talking about my gym.

You see, many are spotting my change in size. I'm apparently growing sideways. Is it good? In a way, yes. That means I'm healthy and have an appetite of a cow. BUT, I don't go to the gym as often anymore too. That means I am at risk of cardiac problems.

Whilst KL Hilton is posh and all nice and comfy, I need somewhere practical. I want to be able to go to the gym and go to work AT THE SAME TIME. What I'm talking about? I'm talking about going to the gym in the morning, but doesn't have to wake up too early and when done, go to work in a jiffy. That way, I will go to gym more often (relatively) and be healthier. Hence, my first choice (although used to be my last) is FF. My friends are there and they do have good facilities. I don't go there to socialise of course. I'm pretty determined once I'm focused. Do it, clean up, get out. I don't linger. No point. The only thing I will miss is the Pool Bar @Hilton and my red wine...

Of course, I'm justifying my actions of changing gym and hoping for the best to happen. Plans go wrong. But let's not look at it that way, yet! Haha. So what's gonna happen tomorrow? Going to Clark Hatch to cancel my Titanium membership and move on to FF's Platinum's.

It's time to strike a balance between work and gym.

Letters to Sam (2)

2010-03-22T20:52:00.002+08:00

THE DANGERS OF DESIRE

This letter to Sam echos my views on men and sex at I'm JOHN TEH. See my previous post about this here. (I'm glad he and I share the same view on this subject).

"Dear Sam,

...let's take a look at what sex means and not just how it feels.

Many sex therapists say that for men, sex is a way of getting intimate, while for women, sex is what happens after one feels intimate. I think there's a lot of truth in this distinction. All humans crave intimacy. Among men, there are many who feel unloved and rejected when they don't get enough sex. They get angry and frustrated, or they withdraw, or both. Then their female partners, deprived of closeness and intimacy, feel unloved and not very sexual. (This also happens in gay and lesbian couples. But heterosexual couples, when it comes to sex, are less likely to understand each other's feelings.)

In any sexual relationship, when rejection happens frequently and the craving for intimacy and closeness grows, one or both partners are at risk for seeking sex with someone outside of the relationship. This almost always leads to trouble. The odds are very slim that something good is going to result from that outside relationship.

How can we prevent this? We can start by understanding that wishing for something doesn't mean there is a problem that needs to be fixed. It means there is an ache inside. And that simply means we're human. Sam, I think most of us have more longing for love and closeness than can ever be fulfilled. So the question is not how we fill that void. The question is: how do we live with the longing?

Love, Pop"

Letters to Sam (1)

2010-03-17T22:10:00.003+08:00

YOUR FATHER AND MY FATHER

"Dear Sam,

... At the age of 82, your pop-pop (great grandfather) was diagnosed with congestive heart failure...

Six months before your pop-pop died, I spent a wonderful month with him in Atlantic City, where his apartment overlooked the beach and the ocean...

He and I had our last visit the day before he died. It was a very windy day. When I got to the apartment, he was sitting in front of the window, warmed by the sunshine. I pulled my chair next to him. After I rested my arm on his shoulder, we gazed at the beach together, not saying much.

A strong wind was blowing sand directly into the ocean, erasing all footprints. It seemed that if the wind kept up, all the sand would blow into the sea. The beach was being swept clean. As I watched the beach renew itself, I moved my hand to my father's chest, drawing him closer. Without looking up, he took my hand, kissed my left thumb - the only area on my hand where I have sensation - and gently rubbed his cheek on it.

The next day, his nurse found him in the same place, sitting in his favourite chair in the living room, facing the ocean. He was no longer alive. It was the right way to die and, for him, the right time. I knew that. But for several days after his death, whenever someone asked whether I needed anything, I began to cry. "Yes," I thought, "I need to feel his cheek on my thumb one more time."

Love, Pop"

YOUR GRANDMOTHER SANDY

"Dear Sam,

... It was Sandy's father who called to tell me that Sandy's multiple sclerosis was getting worse. I could hear the resignation in his voice...

I knew the call would come, and it happened two years later. But even expecting that call, I was still shocked, thinking "Not Sandy." In my heart she was still nineteen years old...

Now, many years later, I miss your grandmother. I so wanted her with me when I traveled to Washington to witness your birth. And I have wanted her with me every time I've driven home from your house by myself. I've wanted to share the joy with the only person who could really appreciate it.

And I am happy about that. Missing feels like a sad spot in my heart. It feels so much better than when I was angry with her, or worse, when I didn't let myself feel anything about her. Missing means I love her.

Love, Pop"

If you wish to read the complete letters, please purchase the book, at your nearest bookstore. It is highly recommended.